Back in Time Today
The 1980s gave us some incredible movies that still shine today, but not every flick from this neon-soaked decade has stood the test of time. Some once-popular films now make viewers squirm with their outdated jokes, questionable messages, or just plain awful execution. Let’s take a walk down memory lane and examine ten ’80s movies that have aged about as well as a carton of milk left in the sun.
1. The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987): Puppets From Your Nightmares
Imagine the most disturbing puppets you’ve ever seen, then make them grosser. That’s what awaited audiences in this bizarre adaptation of the popular trading cards. Children were traumatized rather than entertained by characters named Valerie Vomit and Greaser Greg. The film’s plot—about outcasts fighting fashion designers—makes absolutely no sense, and the creepy puppets with their dead eyes and jerky movements still haunt viewers decades later. With its 0% Rotten Tomatoes score, this film stands as proof that not everything from your childhood deserves nostalgic reverence.
2. Mac and Me (1988): E.T. Goes to McDonald’s
Shameless doesn’t begin to describe this E.T. knockoff that doubles as a feature-length commercial. The alien protagonist literally revives after drinking Coca-Cola, and the film includes an extended dance sequence at McDonald’s that has nothing to do with the plot. Famous for the wheelchair scene where the child actor accidentally rolls off a cliff into water (a clip Paul Rudd has hilariously used on Conan O’Brien’s show for years). The movie culminates in the aliens becoming American citizens in a ceremony sponsored by—you guessed it—McDonald’s. Product placement has never been so painfully obvious or poorly executed.
3. Troll 2 (1990): No Trolls, Just Goblins
Despite its title, this film contains zero trolls and isn’t even a sequel to anything. Instead, it features vegetarian goblins who turn people into plants before eating them. Makes perfect sense, right? Directed by an Italian filmmaker with a cast of non-professional actors, the dialogue sounds like it was written by an alien who learned English yesterday. The infamous “Oh my God!” scene has become a meme for terrible acting everywhere. So legendarily awful it spawned its own documentary called “Best Worst Movie,” proving that sometimes spectacular failure can become its own kind of success.
4. Staying Alive (1983): Disco Fever Turns to Disco Flu
John Travolta returns as Tony Manero, but the gritty realism of Saturday Night Fever gets replaced by a glitzy Broadway show called “Satan’s Alley.” Yes, really. Directed by Sylvester Stallone (of all people), the film trades meaningful social commentary for oiled-up dance sequences and Travolta’s inexplicable headbands. Tony’s character development consists entirely of getting bigger muscles and becoming more narcissistic. The finale features Travolta in a bizarre devil-themed dance number with fire effects so cheesy they wouldn’t make the cut in a high school production. Even the Bee Gees couldn’t save this fever dream.
5. Howard the Duck (1986): Marvel’s First Major Misfire
Long before the MCU dominated Hollywood, this George Lucas-produced disaster tried to bring Marvel’s satirical duck to life. The result? A disturbing human-sized duck costume with unsettling mouth movements and an implied romantic relationship with the human female lead. The film jumps from awkward duck-human flirtation to an invasion by space demons with no coherent thread connecting these elements. A young Tim Robbins appears, seemingly embarrassed by every minute on screen. Most uncomfortable is the implied bedroom scene between Howard and his human girlfriend that leaves viewers wondering who thought a duck-human romance would be appropriate for family viewing.
6. The Apple (1980): Biblical Disco Apocalypse
Set in the far-future year of 1994, this disco musical tells the story of two innocent singers corrupted by the music industry, which is literally run by the devil. The film features characters randomly breaking into song about topics like “Speed,” while wearing silver jumpsuits and glitter makeup. Audiences at the premiere were so outraged they threw promotional soundtrack records at the screen. The finale involves God descending in a golden Rolls-Royce to rapture all the hippies to heaven, a scene that must be seen to be believed. With musical numbers about the biblical apple and sequences where people wear glowing triangles on their foreheads, this film defies both description and logic.
7. Nukie (1987): E.T.’s Bargain Basement Cousin
If you thought Mac and Me was a bad E.T. ripoff, Nukie takes that concept to new depths of awfulness. This South African production follows two alien brothers separated on Earth, with one befriending an African child while the other ends up in America. The alien costumes look like melted Halloween masks with glowing eyes that barely move. Most scenes feature the aliens waddling awkwardly while narrating obvious actions in painful voiceovers: “I am walking now. Walking is hard.” The film attempts to address apartheid and environmentalism but does so with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer wielded by a toddler. Even the most dedicated bad-movie enthusiasts struggle to sit through it.
8. Hobgoblins (1988): Gremlins Without the Budget or Talent
Riding the coattails of Gremlins’ success, this ultra-low-budget horror comedy features fuzzy puppets that barely move and supposedly drive people to act out their deepest fantasies. Unfortunately, these fantasies are written by someone with the imagination of a teenage boy. The puppets—clearly being waved around on sticks just off-camera—attack by being thrown at actors who must pretend to wrestle with these inanimate objects. One character’s ultimate fantasy is just becoming a better garden tool user, which says everything about the film’s creativity level. Mystery Science Theater 3000 famously roasted this film, with one host commenting, “It’s like someone took a screenplay and removed everything that made sense.”
9. Tarzan, the Ape Man (1981): Jungle Adventure Minus the Adventure
This Tarzan adaptation starring Bo Derek was less about the legendary jungle hero and more about finding creative ways to keep the camera focused on its female lead. The film spends an extraordinary amount of time on lengthy bathing scenes and slow-motion running sequences. Richard Harris, playing Jane’s father, appears visibly confused about what movie he’s in. Tarzan himself barely speaks and serves mainly as a prop for Jane’s journey of self-discovery, which consists primarily of removing clothing items at regular intervals. Leonard Maltin called it “certainly the worst of the Tarzan movies,” noting that even the jungle scenes looked like they were filmed in someone’s backyard with imported plants.
10. Revenge of the Nerds (1984): Comedy That Crossed the Line
Once celebrated as an underdog triumph, this fraternity comedy now raises serious eyebrows with its cavalier approach to consent and privacy. The “heroes” install cameras in a sorority house to watch women undress and commit acts that would be felonies in real life. The film’s most problematic scene involves a nerd impersonating a woman’s boyfriend to sleep with her—presented as a victorious moment rather than the criminal act it actually is. Casual homophobia and racial stereotypes abound, with characters reduced to single traits played for cheap laughs. What seemed rebellious in 1984 now plays like a handbook of what not to do on a college campus, making viewers cringe for all the wrong reasons.