Back in Time Today
Judy Tenuta, the self-proclaimed “Goddess of Love,” was a comedy legend known for her outrageous persona and accordion-wielding performances. Her unique blend of insult comedy, wacky characters, and catchphrases like “It could happen!” made her stand out in the male-dominated comedy world of the 1980s and 90s. Let’s celebrate this comedy trailblazer with some of her most memorable jokes that showcase her hilariously bizarre worldview and distinctive comedic voice.
1. The Petals of Persuasion
“Men are like linoleum floors. If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years!” This classic Tenuta zinger perfectly captures her feminine-empowerment comedy style.
Judy delivered this with her trademark smirk, usually while clutching her accordion and tossing flower petals at audience members. Her ability to mock gender dynamics while maintaining an oddly endearing quality made even her most pointed barbs feel like playful jabs rather than mean-spirited attacks.
2. The Stuplimity Theory
“I like to refer to men as ‘pigs.’ Not because they actually are pigs, but because it makes me feel better when I eat bacon.” Delivered with her signature snort, this joke showcases Judy’s knack for absurdist logic.
The audience would erupt in laughter as she followed with exaggerated pig noises. Her ability to create her own comedy vocabulary – like “stuplimity” (stupid sublimity) – gave fans insider language that made them feel part of her bizarre universe of love-pigs and stench-blossoms.
3. Marriage Material Manifesto
“I’m still a virgin. In this day and age, that’s practically a miracle… I should be in a museum somewhere!” Judy would proclaim this with mock pride while strutting across the stage.
Her virgin goddess persona was a brilliant contradiction to her overtly sexual jokes. Fans loved how she’d follow up with detailed criteria for potential suitors – they needed to worship her, finance her shopping habits, and agree to live in a separate dwelling. The way she’d bat her heavily mascaraed eyes made the absurdity even funnier.
4. Holiday Husband Hunting
“Christmas is the time of year when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.” This joke revealed Tenuta’s surprising talent for political commentary.
While best known for her man-bashing quips, Judy occasionally ventured into societal observations. She’d typically deliver this line while wearing an outrageous Christmas-themed outfit, complete with blinking lights woven into her hair. Her ability to blend silly visuals with smart commentary was part of what made her comedy special.
5. Celestial Dating Advice
“My horoscope said I’m supposed to marry a pig farmer. So I went to a singles bar and met this guy who works on Wall Street. Close enough!” The timing of this joke was impeccable, with Tenuta’s trademark pause before the punchline.
Judy often incorporated astrology into her act, claiming her goddess status gave her special cosmic insights. She’d follow this joke by pulling an unsuspecting man from the audience for an impromptu “horoscope reading” that inevitably ended with him being ordered to bow before her divine presence.
6. Fast Food Philosophy
“I don’t eat fast food. I only eat food that’s willing to take its time.” Judy would deliver this line with a dramatic hair flip and exaggerated chewing motion that had audiences howling.
Food jokes were a staple in her routine, often connecting to her goddess persona’s supposed refined tastes. She’d elaborate on her dining preferences while simultaneously mocking pretentious foodies. Her ability to be both the goddess on a pedestal and the relatable comedian poking fun at pretension showed her range as a performer.
7. The Petulant Parent Protocol
“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.” This deceptively simple joke showcases Tenuta’s gift for logical absurdity that catches listeners off guard.
Family dynamics were fertile ground for Judy’s comedy. She’d often adopt a childlike voice when impersonating herself in family scenarios, contrasting sharply with her goddess persona. The way she’d suddenly switch between these characters – from imperious deity to whining daughter – created comedic whiplash that delighted audiences.
8. Religious Romance Revelations
“I was raised Catholic. Do you know what that means? It means you’re born guilty. I was so Catholic, I used to go to confession every week, even when I hadn’t sinned. ‘Bless me father, I did nothing this week.'”
Religion was a frequent target in Judy’s act. She’d often pantomime confessing while wearing her accordion, using it as a prop to represent the confession booth. Her ability to blend physical comedy with religious satire while avoiding true offense was a testament to her skill as a performer.
9. Domestic Deity Declarations
“I don’t clean my house. I just sweep dirt under the rug and call it a mosaic.” Judy would deliver this with a regal wave of her hand, as if bestowing wisdom upon her subjects.
Domestic duties were reimagined as beneath her goddess status in many of her jokes. She’d elaborate on how ordinary tasks became extraordinary when performed by a deity. The contrast between her grandiose self-image and mundane household chores created a comedic tension that resonated particularly with women in her audience.
10. Astrological Attraction Analysis
“I’m a Scorpio, which means I’ve got a stinger! Sagittarians should wear crash helmets. Geminis should never be available to babysit, and no one should ever marry a Virgo.”
Zodiac humor peppered Judy’s routines, always with her unique twist. She’d scan the audience for victims, demanding their star signs before delivering personalized cosmic insults. Her ability to improvise based on audience interaction made each show unique, with fans eagerly volunteering their birth months just to be roasted by the Goddess.
11. Fashion Forward Feminism
“I invented a new perfume. It’s called ‘Surrender.’ When men smell it, they surrender their credit cards!” Tenuta would spritz imaginary perfume while stalking the stage like a predator.
Fashion and beauty were recurring themes that Judy both embraced and mocked. Her own outrageous style – often featuring lamé, sequins, and impossible hairstyles – was part of her comedic persona. She’d frequently refer to herself as a “fashion plate” while simultaneously making fun of beauty standards, creating a delightful contradiction.
12. Relationship Reality Check
“The only difference between a boyfriend and a husband is about 30 pounds.” Judy would pat her stomach after this line, making the joke land even harder.
Marriage was a favorite target, with Tenuta claiming to be both desperately seeking it and wisely avoiding it. She created her own relationship vocabulary – calling boyfriends “love slaves” and marriage “domestic imprisonment with cooking privileges.” Her physical comedy enhanced these jokes, with exaggerated swooning followed by sudden looks of horror.
13. Pig Farm Proposal
“I want a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?” This deadpan delivery highlighted Tenuta’s perfect comedic timing.
Dating requirements were a goldmine for Judy’s material. She’d list increasingly outrageous criteria for potential suitors – they needed to worship her, finance her, and preferably own a pig farm (a recurring motif in her act). The juxtaposition of romantic idealism with mercenary practicality resonated with audiences tired of saccharine romance clichés.
14. Accordion Affection Affliction
“Some women need chocolate. Some women need a man. I need an accordion.” She’d then passionately embrace her instrument while making suggestive sounds.
Her accordion wasn’t just a prop but a character in her act. Judy often referred to it as her lover, her child, and her weapon. The way she incorporated the instrument into physical comedy was masterful – using it to block unwanted advances from audience members or to simulate various romantic scenarios.
15. Psychic Shopping Spree
“I’m psychic. I can tell what you’re thinking… especially if you’re thinking about food.” She’d follow this by accurately “guessing” that someone was thinking about pizza or chocolate.
Supernatural powers were part of her goddess persona, with Judy claiming various psychic abilities throughout her career. She’d demonstrate these “powers” by making increasingly ridiculous predictions about audience members’ lives. Her commitment to the bit – never breaking character even when the audience was howling – made the absurdity even funnier.
16. Signature Sign-Off Sass
“It could happen! Thank you for being you, but most of all… thank you for being mine.” This catchphrase would close every show, delivered with surprising sincerity amid the sarcasm.
Catchphrases were crucial to Tenuta’s act, with “It could happen!” becoming her most recognizable. She’d use it as both punchline and punctuation throughout her performances. What made this closing line special was how it transformed from comedy to genuine connection, revealing the warmth beneath her acerbic persona.
Fans would shout it back to her, creating a moment of community in every show.