Back in Time Today
Whoopi Goldberg’s humor is sharp, observational, and deeply personal. Here are 20 verified jokes and quotes from her stand-up, films, and TV appearances.
1. On Her Name
“My mother named me Whoopi because she said I was like a whoopee cushion—full of hot air and always making noise.” This joke from her 1985 HBO Special “Whoopi Goldberg: Direct from Broadway” highlights the playful and self-deprecating side of Whoopi’s humor. Her comedic style often draws from personal experiences and a willingness to laugh at herself, making her relatable and endearing to audiences. Whoopi’s ability to find amusement in her own quirks sets her apart in the comedy world. This joke is a testament to her unique charm and wit.
2. On Hollywood Beauty Standards
“I don’t have to be a size 2 to be a star. I’m a galaxy.” Whoopi’s bold statement from a 1990 interview with The Washington Post challenges conventional beauty standards with her characteristic confidence. Her humor often defies societal norms, inspiring others to embrace themselves as they are. The metaphor of being a “galaxy” instead of a mere size reflects her larger-than-life personality. This quote showcases Whoopi’s ability to use humor as a tool for empowerment, encouraging others to shine in their own unique ways.
3. On Her Hair
“People ask why I don’t straighten my hair. Honey, if God wanted me to have straight hair, I’d have been born Swedish.” This line from her 1984 stand-up routine at The Comedy Store conveys Whoopi’s unapologetic embrace of her natural self. Her humor often pokes fun at societal pressures to conform, using wit to resist conventional beauty standards. By turning a personal preference into a comedic observation, Whoopi highlights the absurdity of trying to fit into predetermined molds. Her authentic voice speaks volumes about self-love and acceptance.
4. On Dating
“I’ve been married three times. You’d think I’d learn, but no—I’m eternally optimistic.” This quip from a 2006 interview on “The View” reveals Whoopi’s humorous take on love and relationships. Her candid acknowledgment of past experiences, combined with a persistent optimism, creates a relatable and entertaining perspective. Whoopi’s humor often stems from her willingness to explore personal themes, making her comedy both genuine and engaging. Her ability to turn life’s trials into amusing anecdotes is a testament to her resilience and comedic genius.
5. On Aging
“I’m not old—I’m retro.” Whoopi’s witty remark from a 2018 episode of “The View” captures her playful attitude towards aging. By embracing the idea of being “retro,” she turns a potentially negative concept into a celebration of timeless style and wisdom. Her humor often challenges societal perceptions of age, promoting a positive and spirited outlook. This lighthearted approach encourages others to find joy and confidence in every stage of life, making her a beloved figure for audiences of all ages.
6. On Exercise
“I don’t jog. If I die, I want to be sick.” This humorous take from the 1992 “Sister Act” press tour showcases Whoopi’s unique perspective on exercise and health. Her comedic style often involves turning conventional wisdom on its head, offering a fresh and amusing view on everyday topics. By poking fun at fitness trends, Whoopi makes her audience laugh while subtly encouraging them to question societal norms. Her ability to blend humor with insightful commentary is a testament to her originality and comedic talent.
7. On Money
“People say money can’t buy happiness. Have you ever seen someone frown on a Jet Ski?” This clever line from her 1995 stand-up special “Chez Whoopi” combines humor with a touch of irony. Whoopi’s comedic style often highlights life’s contradictions, making her audience think while they laugh. Her ability to find joy in simple pleasures, like riding a Jet Ski, underscores her vibrant and lively personality. By turning a well-known saying on its head, Whoopi invites her audience to see the world through her joyful and humorous lens.
8. On Her EGOT Status
“Winning an Oscar, Emmy, Grammy, and Tony is like being the only Black person in the room—everyone’s shocked you got in.” In a 2002 interview with Oprah Winfrey, Whoopi uses her humor to address the challenges and triumphs of her career. Her EGOT status is a testament to her incredible talent and perseverance. Through this joke, Whoopi highlights the realities of being a trailblazer in the entertainment industry, using wit to shed light on deeper social issues. Her humor not only entertains but also sparks meaningful conversations.
9. On Social Media
“Twitter is where people go to be mad in public.” This 2017 remark from “The View” perfectly encapsulates Whoopi’s take on social media dynamics. Her witty observation reflects her understanding of modern communication’s quirks and challenges. By highlighting the performative nature of online outrage, Whoopi’s humor encourages her audience to approach social media with a critical eye. Her ability to blend humor with social commentary makes her insights both entertaining and thought-provoking, showcasing her quick wit and astute observations.
10. On Politics
“If you don’t vote, you don’t get to complain. Unless you’re me—I complain professionally.” This quip from a 2020 episode of “The View” showcases Whoopi’s knack for blending humor with political insight. Her comedic style often involves playful yet pointed critiques of societal behavior, encouraging civic engagement. By acknowledging her role as a professional commentator, Whoopi invites her audience to engage in democratic processes while enjoying a good laugh. Her ability to tackle serious subjects with humor enhances her role as both an entertainer and a cultural commentator.
11. On Being a Grandmother
“Grandkids are God’s reward for not killing your own kids.” This humorous observation from a 2015 interview with People Magazine highlights Whoopi’s candid take on family life. Her ability to find humor in the challenges of parenting resonates with many, offering a lighthearted perspective on the joys of grandparenting. Whoopi’s comedy often involves sharing relatable experiences, making her audience feel connected and understood. Her playful approach to family dynamics reveals her warmth and wit, endearing her to fans across generations.
12. On Hollywood Hypocrisy
“In Hollywood, they say, ‘It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.’ But if you don’t know anything, who cares who you know?” This 1988 interview with Rolling Stone exemplifies Whoopi’s sharp critique of the entertainment industry. Her humor often exposes the contradictions within Hollywood, offering a candid and witty perspective on its inner workings. By questioning the value of connections without substance, Whoopi’s joke encourages aspiring artists to focus on talent and hard work. Her comedic insight challenges conventional wisdom, entertaining and enlightening her audience.
13. On Dieting
“I tried eating healthy once. Then I remembered I like flavor.” This line from a 2009 segment on “The View” captures Whoopi’s humorous approach to dieting and food culture. Her comedic style often involves poking fun at societal expectations, celebrating indulgence and joy instead. Whoopi’s ability to laugh at herself while challenging norms creates a refreshing and relatable take on diet culture. Her humor encourages others to embrace their appetites and find balance, making her a beloved voice in conversations about food and health.
14. On Her Comedy Style
“I’m not vulgar—I’m descriptive. There’s a difference.” In a 1991 interview with The New York Times, Whoopi articulates her unique comedic voice. Her humor often blends boldness with insight, challenging audiences to see beyond surface-level interpretations. By distinguishing between vulgarity and descriptiveness, Whoopi invites her audience to appreciate the nuances of her comedy. Her ability to engage with complex themes while maintaining a playful tone showcases her talent as a storyteller and comedian, leaving a lasting impact on her fans.
15. On Fame
“Fame doesn’t keep you warm at night. But a good electric blanket does.” This line from her 1994 stand-up tour “Whoopi Live” offers a humorous take on the realities of celebrity life. Whoopi’s ability to find humor in the contrasts between public perception and personal comfort reveals her grounded perspective. By emphasizing the importance of simple pleasures over fame, her joke encourages audiences to reflect on their own values. Her comedic insight resonates with fans, offering both laughter and wisdom in equal measure.
16. On Marriage Advice
“If you want a happy marriage, marry someone who doesn’t annoy you—which is impossible, so good luck.” This humorous piece of advice from a 2012 episode of “The View” highlights Whoopi’s candid approach to relationships. Her comedy often involves playful yet honest observations about the complexities of marriage. By acknowledging the challenges inherent in partnerships, Whoopi’s humor offers comfort and solidarity to her audience. Her ability to turn personal experiences into relatable jokes showcases her talent for connecting with others through laughter.
17. On Technology
“I don’t do Twitter. If I want to be ignored, I’ll talk to my family.” This quip from a 2016 interview with Entertainment Tonight reflects Whoopi’s humorous perspective on technology and communication. Her ability to find amusement in modern life’s quirks reveals her perceptive comedic style. By contrasting social media interactions with familiar family dynamics, Whoopi’s joke offers a relatable take on the challenges of staying connected. Her humor encourages audiences to reflect on the impact of technology on relationships, making her observations both entertaining and insightful.
18. On Her Acting Career
“People say, ‘Whoopi, you should do more serious roles.’ I say, ‘Bitch, I was Celie in The Color Purple—how much more serious do you want?’” In a 2005 interview with Essence Magazine, Whoopi uses humor to defend her acting career choices. Her role as Celie in “The Color Purple” remains one of her most acclaimed performances. By addressing critics with wit, Whoopi highlights her versatility and talent as an actress. Her ability to balance humor with serious themes showcases her depth as a performer, earning respect and admiration from audiences worldwide.
19. On Life Lessons
“If you don’t like me, change the channel. I ain’t changing me.” This bold statement from a 2001 interview with Larry King captures Whoopi’s unapologetic authenticity. Her humor often involves asserting her individuality, encouraging others to embrace their true selves. By using a simple metaphor of changing channels, Whoopi’s joke empowers her audience to prioritize self-acceptance over external validation. Her ability to inspire confidence through humor makes her a powerful voice for personal freedom and expression, resonating with audiences across generations.
20. On Success
“I didn’t get here by accident. I got here by being a pain in the ass.” This candid remark from a 2010 “The View” monologue showcases Whoopi’s dedication to her craft. Her humor often involves acknowledging the hard work and perseverance behind her success. By using self-deprecating wit, Whoopi invites her audience to appreciate the effort required to achieve greatness. Her ability to blend humor with motivational insights makes her a relatable and inspiring figure, encouraging others to pursue their dreams with determination and resilience.