Back in Time Today
Don Rickles was the undisputed master of insult comedy. His razor-sharp wit, quick comebacks, and ability to roast anyone—from celebrities to everyday people—made him one of the most iconic comedians of all time. Despite his tough exterior, his humor came from a place of warmth, making his roasts legendary rather than offensive. Here, we celebrate 21 of Don Rickles’ most savage and hilarious jokes, showcasing why he was one of the greatest comedic minds ever.
1. Kiss the Ring
“When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don’t mind, but he has it in his back pocket.” This jab at the power-hungry showcases Rickles’ signature bite. His humor often targeted those in authority with a playful, yet cutting edge. By positioning the ring in the back pocket, he creates a vivid image that blends respect with a humorous twist.
2. Marriage Wish
“I once asked my wife, ‘If you could have anything in the world, what would you want?’ She said, ‘A divorce.’” Rickles never hesitated to incorporate his personal life into his comedy. This joke about marriage, delivered with a light-hearted sting, reveals the timeless humor found in everyday relationships.
3. Stingy Afterlife
“He’s so cheap, when he dies, he’s going to walk toward the light and turn it off.” Rickles’ observational humor often highlighted human quirks. This joke about stingy people paints a vivid, comical picture of frugality extending even into the afterlife.
4. Aging Candles
“You know you’re getting old when your candles cost more than your cake.” Rickles’ humor on aging was always relatable and hilarious. This joke combines the inevitability of aging with a lighthearted take on birthday celebrations.
5. Friendly Mother
“My mother never breastfed me. She told me she only liked me as a friend.” Rickles often turned personal stories into comedic gold. His ability to find humor in familial relationships allowed audiences to relate and laugh at shared human experiences.
6. Phone Call Dinner
“My wife likes to talk on the phone during dinner. Last night, she called me from the restaurant.” Rickles poked fun at modern relationships with exaggerated scenarios. The humor lies in the absurdity of the situation, reminding us to laugh at the quirks of modern life.
7. Diet Advice
“The last time I saw my doctor, I asked him how to get my weight down. He told me to stop eating while I was asleep.” Rickles’ take on health and diet was always fresh. This joke cleverly captures the challenges of dieting with a twist of absurd medical advice.
8. Bald and Broom
“I saw a guy the other day with a bald head and a thick mustache. He looked like a push broom.” Rickles had a gift for making simple observations funny. His ability to see humor in everyday appearances is what made his jokes memorable and relatable.
9. Grammar Perils
“My father was an English professor. He used to come home, correct my mother’s grammar, then sit alone in the kitchen.” This joke about the perils of being too intellectual at home reflects Rickles’ keen observation skills. His humor often highlighted the ironies of academic life in a relatable way.
10. OJ Concentrate
“I met a guy so dumb, he stared at an orange juice carton because it said ‘Concentrate.’” Rickles’ love for poking fun at cluelessness shines in this timeless joke. The simplicity of the scenario captures the essence of his humor, making it both relatable and laugh-worthy.
11. Aging Realities
“I’ve got everything I had twenty years ago—except now it’s all lower.” Rickles’ jokes about aging were always spot-on. By using self-deprecation, he allowed audiences to embrace the humor in growing older.
12. Running from Problems
“The only exercise I get is running from my problems.” This joke speaks to anyone who’s ever wanted to avoid responsibility. Rickles’ ability to turn everyday avoidance into comedy highlights his talent for finding humor in procrastination.
13. Childhood Moves
“When I was a kid, my parents moved so much, I remember one time I came home and there was a different family living there.” Rickles turned childhood hardships into comedy gold. His humor found laughter in unexpected places, resonating with anyone who faced frequent moves.
14. Born Ugly
“I knew I was ugly when I was born. When I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.” This self-deprecating joke is one of Rickles’ trademarks. By exaggerating reality, he made audiences laugh at the absurdity of appearances.
15. Psychiatrist Opinion
“My psychiatrist told me I was crazy. I said I wanted a second opinion. He said, ‘Okay, you’re ugly too!’” Rickles loved delivering two punchlines in one joke. This style always caught audiences off guard, showcasing his mastery in timing and wit.
16. Used Car Surprise
“I bought a used car. The owner left his CDs in it. The bad news? They were all his own karaoke recordings.” Rickles’ ability to make even mundane purchases sound ridiculous is unmatched. His humor found delight in everyday scenarios, revealing the unexpected comedy in simple acts.
17. Hotel Wake-Up
“You know you’re in a bad hotel when the wake-up call comes from a cockroach on your pillow.” Rickles painted vivid, exaggerated images with his words. The humor in this joke lies in its absurdity and the relatable experience of less-than-ideal accommodations.
18. Anniversary Surprise
“I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. She said, ‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a while.’ I said, ‘Try the kitchen.’” Rickles’ marriage humor always teetered on the edge. This joke uses playful exaggeration to highlight familiar relationship dynamics.
19. Ugly Kid
“I was such an ugly kid, my parents had to tie a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.” One of Rickles’ most famous lines, it proves his mastery of the self-roast. By embracing self-deprecation, he brought humor to childhood insecurities.
20. Cheap Boss
“My boss is so cheap, he handed out paper towels at the company Christmas party as a bonus.” Rickles’ workplace humor resonates with many. By exaggerating workplace frugality, he highlighted the absurdities of stingy bosses, making audiences laugh at relatable office dynamics.
21. Heart Transplant
“If I ever need a heart transplant, I hope I get my boss’s. It’s never been used.” This joke serves as a brilliant closer, proving Rickles knew how to deliver a perfect final punchline. His wit and timing shine in this punchline about workplace dynamics and emotionless leadership.