Back in Time Today
Steve Martin is one of the most versatile and influential comedians of all time, known for his absurd humor, clever wordplay, and wild physical comedy. From his stand-up routines to movies, music, and writing, his unique comedic style has kept audiences laughing for decades. Here, we celebrate 21 of Steve Martin’s funniest, most absurd, and most brilliant jokes, showcasing his legendary comedic mind.
1. “You know what I love about Los Angeles? It’s the only place where you can have a brown Christmas.”
“You know what I love about Los Angeles? It’s the only place where you can have a brown Christmas.”
Steve Martin’s witty take on Los Angeles weather captures his ability to find humor in everyday situations. While most associate Christmas with snow, Martin highlights LA’s sunny climate, offering a humorous twist. His joke resonates with those familiar with the city’s unique winter environment, making it relatable and fun. Martin’s ability to craft jokes that play on common experiences sets him apart as a comedian. By taking something as iconic as a white Christmas and spinning it into something unexpected, Martin ensures his comedy remains fresh and engaging to all audiences.
2. “I remember when I was born. I was so surprised, I didn’t talk for a year and a half.”
“I remember when I was born. I was so surprised, I didn’t talk for a year and a half.”
In this joke, Steve Martin employs absurdity with his claim of remembering his own birth. By stating he was so surprised that he didn’t speak for a year and a half, Martin embraces the ridiculousness. His use of exaggeration highlights his unique comedic style, drawing laughs through surprise and absurdity. This joke exemplifies Martin’s talent for transforming ordinary concepts into humorous anecdotes, captivating his audience. The sheer silliness of the premise, combined with Martin’s delivery, leaves a lasting impression. It’s a testament to how he blends the bizarre with the humorous, creating timeless comedy.
3. “A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie personality who is no longer in a relationship.”
“A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie personality who is no longer in a relationship.”
Steve Martin’s jab at Hollywood through this joke is sharp and insightful. By defining a celebrity as someone newly single, Martin humorously critiques the media’s obsession with celebrity relationships. His clever play on the concept of fame turns into a satirical observation on the transient nature of Hollywood love. This joke showcases Martin’s ability to comment on societal norms with humor and wit. His clever blend of pop culture awareness and comedy makes this joke both funny and thought-provoking. It’s a classic example of Martin’s talent for turning cultural commentary into laughs.
4. “First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.”
“First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.”
In this darkly humorous joke, Steve Martin flips the concept of receiving good news on its head. By suggesting that having a disease named after oneself is good news, he introduces an unexpected twist. Martin’s ability to find comedy in the bleak highlights his unique perspective and comedic genius. His willingness to explore darker themes while maintaining humor is a testament to his skill. This joke exemplifies Martin’s talent for subverting expectations, turning potentially morbid topics into laughable moments. It’s a classic display of his innovative comedic style, making audiences chuckle while pondering life’s ironies.
5. “I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline-powered turtleneck sweater. And of course, I bought some dumb stuff too.”
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline-powered turtleneck sweater. And of course, I bought some dumb stuff too.”
This joke is a quintessential example of Steve Martin’s love for absurdity. By listing outlandish items like a fur sink and a gasoline-powered turtleneck, Martin creates an extravaganza of nonsense. The humor lies in the gradual escalation of ridiculousness, culminating in the punchline about buying dumb stuff. Martin’s comedic prowess shines as he masterfully crafts a scenario that is both imaginative and hilarious. His ability to blend the surreal with the comical is unrivaled, drawing laughs from the sheer audacity of his imagination. This joke is a signature Martin creation, showcasing his absurd yet delightful sense of humor.
6. “I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.”
“I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.”
Steve Martin’s take on equality is a brilliant mix of humor and self-assurance. By proclaiming his superiority while advocating for equality, Martin creates a delightful paradox. His ability to make light of serious topics without losing comedic essence is noteworthy. This joke illustrates Martin’s skill in blending confidence with humor, crafting a statement that is both amusing and thought-provoking. His talent for turning self-aggrandizement into comedy is unmatched, making audiences chuckle at the irony. Martin’s nuanced humor and clever wordplay leave a lasting impact, showcasing his ability to entertain while engaging with complex ideas.
7. “I thought about becoming a doctor, but I didn’t have the patients.”
“I thought about becoming a doctor, but I didn’t have the patients.”
Steve Martin’s joke about becoming a doctor is a delightful example of his clever wordplay. At first glance, it seems to be an earnest confession about a career path he considered. However, Martin twists expectations with the pun on “patients,” turning a seemingly straightforward statement into a burst of laughter. This one-liner showcases his ability to keep the audience engaged. In comedy, timing and language are everything, and Martin excels at both, creating an artful blend of wit and humor. His mastery in delivering punchlines makes this joke timeless, evoking smiles across generations.
8. “I got a standing ovation the other night. I had to stand up to take a drink of water.”
“I got a standing ovation the other night. I had to stand up to take a drink of water.”
This joke exemplifies Steve Martin’s knack for self-deprecating humor. By associating a standing ovation with merely standing to drink water, Martin turns a moment of potential glory into comedy gold. His ability to poke fun at himself resonates with audiences, creating a relatable and humorous experience. Martin’s humility paired with his wit makes this joke both funny and endearing. His mastery in blending modesty with humor shines through, making the audience laugh and appreciate his comedic genius. The simplicity of the joke highlights Martin’s skill in transforming everyday actions into sources of amusement.
9. “I’m so happy. I found a buttonhole that matches one of my buttons!”
“I’m so happy. I found a buttonhole that matches one of my buttons!”
In this delightfully absurd joke, Steve Martin celebrates finding a matching button and buttonhole. His exaggeration of such a mundane achievement captures the essence of his comedic style. By turning life’s trivialities into triumphs, Martin invites the audience to find humor in the ordinary. The ridiculousness of the situation, paired with Martin’s joyous delivery, creates an entertaining and memorable moment. This joke highlights Martin’s talent for transforming everyday occurrences into sources of laughter. His unique ability to elevate simple acts into comedic masterpieces is a testament to his iconic status in comedy.
10. “Some people have a way with words, and other people… not have way.”
“Some people have a way with words, and other people… not have way.”
This joke showcases Steve Martin’s mastery of language and timing. By deliberately bungling the phrase about having a way with words, Martin creates a humorous juxtaposition. His clever linguistic twist turns a common saying into a comedic gem. The simplicity and elegance of the joke highlight Martin’s ability to craft humor through language. His playful manipulation of words creates an instant connection with the audience, drawing laughter through its wit. It’s a perfect example of Martin’s skill in using language as a tool for comedy, leaving a lasting impression on those who appreciate clever wordplay.
11. “I was the class clown— but you know, I was in grammar school, so I was only the class part-time entertainer.”
“I was the class clown— but you know, I was in grammar school, so I was only the class part-time entertainer.”
Steve Martin’s humor shines through this joke about his school days. By claiming to be a part-time entertainer in grammar school, Martin highlights his early inclination toward comedy. The joke resonates with those who remember childhood antics, drawing laughter through its nostalgic charm. Martin’s skill at intertwining personal anecdotes with humor makes this joke relatable and enjoyable. His ability to find comedy in everyday life, even from a young age, underscores his natural talent. This glimpse into Martin’s past offers insight into the comedic genius he would become, entertaining audiences with his wit and charm.
12. “I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was: an arctic region covered with ice.”
“I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was: an arctic region covered with ice.”
Steve Martin’s political humor is both sharp and unexpected in this joke about Ronald Reagan. By suggesting a return to an arctic past, Martin introduces a humorous and absurd perspective on politics. His talent for blending satire with comedy is evident as he navigates potentially sensitive topics with ease. Martin’s ability to inject humor into political commentary makes this joke both funny and insightful. His clever play on historical and political themes showcases his brilliance in crafting intelligent comedy. This joke serves as a testament to Martin’s skill in using humor to engage with complex subjects.
13. “Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman—it’s something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.”
“Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman—it’s something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.”
In this clever roast, Steve Martin takes a playful jab at fellow comedian Billy Crystal. By comparing hosting the Oscars to an intimate experience, Martin creates a humorous analogy. His ability to poke fun at industry peers while maintaining a lighthearted tone makes this joke memorable. Martin’s wit shines through as he navigates the complexities of Hollywood with ease. His skill in delivering jokes that resonate with both insiders and audiences highlights his comedic genius. This joke exemplifies Martin’s talent for crafting humor that is both personal and universally relatable, leaving a lasting impression.
14. “Comedy is not pretty. It’s a lot of late nights, a lot of rejection, and a lot of looking in the mirror saying, ‘Why aren’t I funnier?’”
“Comedy is not pretty. It’s a lot of late nights, a lot of rejection, and a lot of looking in the mirror saying, ‘Why aren’t I funnier?’”
In this introspective joke, Steve Martin offers a candid glimpse into the life of a comedian. By acknowledging the challenges of late nights and rejection, Martin paints a realistic picture of the comedy world. His ability to find humor in these struggles underscores his resilience and dedication to the craft. Martin’s self-reflection and honesty make this joke both relatable and poignant. His skill in transforming personal experiences into comedy highlights his profound understanding of the art form. This joke serves as a reminder of the hard work behind the laughter, showcasing Martin’s unwavering commitment to comedy.
15. “How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.”
15. “How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.”
Steve Martin’s parody of success advice is a perfect example of his clever comedic style. By simplifying the process of making a million dollars, Martin highlights the absurdity of such advice. His knack for turning common wisdom into humor is evident as he delivers this punchline with precision. Martin’s ability to critique societal norms through comedy makes this joke both funny and thought-provoking. His skill in crafting satire that resonates with audiences showcases his talent as a comedian. This joke exemplifies Martin’s unique perspective, offering a humorous take on the often oversimplified road to success.
16. “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.”
“I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.”
Steve Martin’s delightfully absurd take on romance is captured in this joke. By expressing a dislike for necks while complimenting women, Martin introduces a humorous contradiction. His ability to craft jokes that blend absurdity with charm is evident, drawing laughs from unexpected twists. Martin’s playful approach to humor makes this joke both entertaining and memorable. His skill in delivering punchlines that surprise and amuse highlights his comedic prowess. This joke exemplifies Martin’s talent for creating comedy that is both intelligent and whimsical, leaving audiences laughing at the sheer absurdity of his imagination.
17. “I got into comedy to meet women. Unfortunately, so did most of the women.”
“I got into comedy to meet women. Unfortunately, so did most of the women.”
In this self-deprecating joke, Steve Martin humorously reflects on his reasons for entering comedy. By suggesting that women also joined comedy to meet partners, Martin creates a playful contradiction. His ability to poke fun at himself while engaging with broader themes of relationships makes this joke relatable and funny. Martin’s talent for blending personal insights with humor is evident, drawing laughs through his candidness. This joke highlights Martin’s skill in crafting comedy that resonates with audiences, offering a humorous take on the complexities of romantic pursuits. It’s a testament to his enduring appeal and comedic genius.
18. “Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He’s a mile away, and you’ve got his shoes!”
“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He’s a mile away, and you’ve got his shoes!”
This joke showcases Steve Martin’s ability to twist common sayings into comedy gold. By taking the adage about empathy and flipping it, Martin creates a humorous and unexpected punchline. His mastery in subverting expectations is evident, drawing laughter from the clever twist. Martin’s skill in transforming familiar phrases into sources of amusement highlights his comedic brilliance. This joke exemplifies his talent for crafting humor that is both insightful and entertaining. Through his playful approach to language, Martin leaves a lasting impression, making audiences chuckle at the inventive reimagining of a well-known saying.
19. “I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don’t know I’m firing blanks.”
“I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don’t know I’m firing blanks.”
In this daring and dark-edged joke, Steve Martin pushes the boundaries of humor. By introducing the concept of firing blanks, Martin creates a juxtaposition between innocence and absurdity. His ability to explore edgy themes while maintaining comedic essence is a testament to his skill. Martin’s fearless approach to humor makes this joke both shocking and funny. His talent for crafting comedy that challenges norms while entertaining audiences is evident. This joke highlights Martin’s ability to navigate complex subjects with wit and creativity, leaving a lasting impact through his bold yet hilarious comedic style.
20. “I remember the first time I had a date with a girl. She asked me to take off my shirt. Then she asked me to take off my pants. Then she asked me to leave.”
“I remember the first time I had a date with a girl. She asked me to take off my shirt. Then she asked me to take off my pants. Then she asked me to leave.”
Steve Martin’s storytelling shines through in this joke about a dating mishap. By recounting an awkward experience, Martin creates a humorous narrative that resonates with audiences. His ability to find comedy in personal anecdotes underscores his skill as a comedian. Martin’s knack for turning embarrassing moments into laughs is evident, drawing smiles through relatability. This joke highlights Martin’s talent for crafting humor that connects with audiences, offering a lighthearted take on the trials of young love. It’s a testament to his enduring charm and ability to entertain with wit and humor.
21. “I believe that honesty is the best policy. But by the process of elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”
“I believe that honesty is the best policy. But by the process of elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”
In this clever closer, Steve Martin offers a playful twist on the adage about honesty. By introducing dishonesty as the second-best policy, Martin creates a humorous contradiction. His ability to craft jokes that challenge conventional wisdom while maintaining humor is noteworthy. Martin’s skill in blending irony with comedy shines through, making this joke both funny and thought-provoking. His talent for delivering punchlines that surprise and amuse highlights his comedic genius. This joke serves as a perfect finale, capturing Martin’s unique perspective and ability to entertain while engaging with complex ideas.