Back in Time Today
Mark Normand is a renowned comedian known for his sharp wit and relatable humor. His jokes often explore the absurdities of everyday life, relationships, and social norms with a distinct, self-deprecating style.
In this post, we explore 24 of his funniest and most memorable jokes, each delivering a unique punchline and perspective. From awkward social encounters to dating woes, these jokes capture the essence of Normand’s comedic genius. Join us as we delve into the humorous world of Mark Normand and enjoy a collection of laughs that are sure to brighten your day.
1. Low Self-Esteem Selfie
“I’ve got low self-esteem. Like, impressively low. I took a selfie the other day and my phone shut off—it was like, ‘Don’t do this to us, man. We don’t have enough storage for that kind of sadness.’”
Mark Normand quips about his low self-esteem with a joke about taking a selfie. He humorously shares how his phone couldn’t handle the sadness and shut off. It’s a funny take on the modern obsession with selfies and self-perception. Normand’s joke resonates with anyone who’s ever felt a little down on themselves, adding a twist of humor to an all-too-common experience. The imagery of a phone shutting down mid-selfie perfectly captures the blend of technology and personal insecurities in a relatable and amusing way.
2. Awkward Dating Encounter
“I asked a girl out, she said she had a boyfriend. I said, ‘Oh, cool—yeah, I have a math test.’ She goes, ‘What?’ I said, ‘I thought we were listing things we’re planning to cheat on.’ Awkward silence… and then she blocked me. So that’s a no?”
In this joke, Mark Normand humorously recounts asking a girl out, only to be blocked after a misunderstanding. His witty comparison of a relationship to a math test he planned to cheat on is both clever and awkwardly relatable. The punchline highlights the often confusing nature of modern dating, where intentions and meanings can easily get lost in translation. Normand’s humor shines in this narrative, painting a vivid picture of a cringeworthy, yet funny dating moment.
3. Texting in Modern Era
“Texting in the modern era is wild. You’ll send someone a message, they won’t reply for hours, but you see them posting on Instagram. I’m like, ‘Wow, ghosting with live updates—that’s the deluxe package!’”
Mark Normand’s take on modern texting culture is both humorous and insightful. He pokes fun at how people ignore texts while actively posting on social media, jokingly referring to it as ‘ghosting with live updates.’ This joke captures the frustration many feel when communication seems one-sided, despite the constant online presence of the other person. It’s a clever commentary on the paradox of being more connected than ever, yet often feeling ignored.
4. Therapy vs. Bartenders
“I tried therapy once, but it felt weird paying someone to pretend to like me. That’s what bartenders are for. At least with them, I get a drink and a judgmental stare for free.”
Mark Normand humorously compares therapy to a bartender’s role, where pretending to like him feels more genuine over a drink. His observation highlights the irony of seeking affirmation in both settings but finding comfort in casual judgment rather than professional help. It’s a witty take on how people cope with life’s challenges, emphasizing the relatable aspect of finding solace in everyday interactions rather than formal therapy sessions.
5. Failed Flirting Attempt
“I’m not great at flirting. Like, I once tried a pickup line and the girl thought I was doing a character bit. She laughed… nervously. Then called security. So I guess I killed—just not in a good way.”
Here, Mark Normand shares a hilarious anecdote about a failed attempt at flirting, where his pickup line was mistaken for a comedy bit. The nervous laughter and subsequent call to security add to the comedic effect. This joke plays on the awkwardness of social interactions and the unpredictability of people’s reactions. Normand’s self-deprecating humor shines through, making light of an embarrassing situation that many can relate to.
6. Adulting Failures
“Growing up, my parents told me I could be anything. And now, here I am—a full-grown adult Googling ‘How to boil water’ at 3 a.m., in a hoodie with pizza stains. Dreams really do come true!”
Normand’s joke about adulting failures perfectly encapsulates the struggle of growing up with high expectations but simple life challenges. His humorous recount of googling how to boil water at 3 a.m. in a pizza-stained hoodie brings a relatable scenario to life. It’s a nod to the disconnect between childhood dreams and adult realities, filled with humor and a sprinkle of sarcasm that many will find amusing and truthful.
7. Lost Boundaries with Phones
“Remember when phones had cords and people had boundaries? Now I get texts at 2 a.m. from someone I met once at a party five years ago. ‘Hey man, what’s up?’ Uh, boundaries, Brad. That’s what’s up.”
In this joke, Normand highlights the loss of boundaries due to modern phones. He humorously points out the absurdity of receiving texts at 2 a.m. from someone met years ago. It’s a funny critique of how technology blurs personal space and time, with a playful jab at the over-familiarity and lack of boundaries that come with constant connectivity. The imagery of late-night texts illustrates a common digital-age annoyance.
8. Anxiety over Sheep
“I’m such a bad sleeper. I count sheep, but then I start worrying about their taxes. Like, do they write off the wool? Why are they jumping fences? Where are they going? I end up with anxiety and a farm.”
Mark Normand humorously describes his struggles with sleep, where counting sheep leads to anxiety about their taxes. The joke creatively blends mundane sleep struggles with absurd concerns, like sheep taxes and fence-jumping. It’s a light-hearted take on how simple bedtime routines can spiral into ridiculous worries, resonating with anyone who’s ever let their mind wander down bizarre paths before sleep. Normand’s humor captures the essence of comedic imagination.
9. Honesty in Social Settings
“People say I’m awkward in social settings. I’m not awkward—I’m just honest. I say what everyone’s thinking, like, ‘Why are we talking about your cat again? He’s not here and I don’t care.’”
In this joke, Normand claims he’s not awkward but honest, humorously addressing social faux pas. His public admission about not caring for someone’s cat conversation highlights the awkward yet relatable nature of unwanted small talk. The humor lies in the candidness, where many think similar thoughts but refrain from voicing them. It paints a picture of the refreshing, albeit uncomfortable, honesty that Normand embraces, making it both cringe-worthy and funny.
10. Decoding Dating Emojis
“Dating today is confusing. You meet someone online, go out once, and then spend the next three weeks decoding emoji messages. Like, she sent me a pizza slice and a ghost—are we in love or in danger?”
Mark Normand captures the essence of modern dating with his joke about decoding emojis. The pizza slice and ghost symbolize confusion in interpreting romantic interest or danger. It’s a humorous take on the ambiguity of digital communication, where emojis often replace words, leaving meaning open to interpretation. Normand’s joke highlights the challenges and hilarity of online dating, making it a relatable quip for anyone navigating the emoji-laden landscape of modern relationships.
11. Stand-Up for Five People
“I once did stand-up for five people. One guy fell asleep, another was on his phone, and a couple was arguing in the front row. The other one was me—just trying to keep it together in the mirror later that night.”
Mark Normand humorously shares his experience of performing stand-up for just five people, capturing the essence of an awkward gig. The imagery of a sleeping audience member, a distracted phone user, and a quarreling couple paints a vivid picture of the challenges comedians face. It’s a funny yet realistic portrayal of the unpredictable nature of live performances, resonating with anyone who’s ever faced an unresponsive crowd.
12. Pale Skin Glow Stick
“I’m so pale, if I stand next to a white wall, I disappear. The sun sees me and says, ‘Nah, I’m not gonna be responsible for that.’ I’ve been mistaken for a glow stick at concerts.”
In this joke, Normand humorously exaggerates his paleness, claiming he disappears against white walls and is mistaken for a glow stick. It’s a clever and self-deprecating take on his skin tone, using absurdity to highlight a relatable insecurity. The imagery of blending into the background and standing out in unexpected ways adds to the humor, making it a light-hearted reflection on personal appearance and public perception.
13. Cooking and Life Crisis
“I tried cooking once. I chopped an onion and cried—not from the onion, just from realizing I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. Ended up eating cereal and calling it a cleanse.”
Normand’s joke about attempting to cook and crying over onions humorously illustrates a life crisis. The imagery of abandoning cooking for cereal captures the essence of giving up when overwhelmed. It’s a relatable portrayal of how simple tasks can feel monumental, leading to humorous yet genuine moments of self-realization. Normand’s wit shines in turning everyday struggles into comedic gold, emphasizing the universal theme of not always having it together.
14. Dog Allergies on Date
“My dating profile says ‘must love dogs.’ I matched with a woman who had five. I’m allergic, but I didn’t want to seem weak, so I showed up with antihistamines and hope. I left with hives and a new fear of Labradoodles.”
Mark Normand humorously recounts a date with a woman owning five dogs, despite his allergies. The joke highlights his determination to appear strong, armed with antihistamines, only to leave with hives and fear. It’s a funny take on the lengths people go to impress potential partners and the unexpected consequences. Normand’s witty storytelling captures the comedy in unexpected challenges and the reality of dating surprises.
15. Crossing Street Anxiety
“Crossing the street has become an anxiety-inducing event. A car stops for you, and now it’s a pressure performance. You feel like you have to hustle, wave, smile, and do the ‘thanks’ jog even if you have two herniated discs.”
In this joke, Normand humorously describes the pressure of crossing the street when cars stop. The need to smile, wave, and jog while injured highlights the social anxiety involved. It’s a relatable commentary on the unspoken social contract of pedestrian politeness, where small acts become performances. The humor lies in exaggerating the mundane, reflecting the everyday tension many feel in these simple yet stressful moments.
16. Supportive Friends and Single Life
“I’ve been single so long my friends stopped asking about my love life. They just pat me on the back and say ‘You’re doing great’ like I just got out of prison. ‘You eating alright? You seeing sunlight?’”
Mark Normand humorously reflects on how friends treat his long-term single status. The joke captures their shift from curiosity to awkward encouragement, likening it to post-prison support. It’s a witty take on societal expectations and the well-meaning, yet sometimes misplaced, concern of friends. Normand’s relatable humor shines through, emphasizing the blend of genuine care and underlying social pressure that accompanies singlehood.
17. Crossing Street to Avoid Conversations
“I’m not racist, but I definitely cross the street to avoid conversations. If someone looks like they want to talk about their screenplay or essential oils, I’m gone. Equal opportunity anti-social!”
Normand’s joke about crossing the street to avoid unwanted conversations humorously captures social avoidance. The scenarios of dodging discussions on screenplays or essential oils highlight his equal-opportunity anti-social stance. It’s a funny take on how people navigate social interactions, choosing solitude over potentially tedious talks. Normand’s humor resonates with anyone who’s ever gone out of their way to sidestep conversations they’d rather not have.
18. Vaccination for Aunt Hug
“I got vaccinated just to hug my aunt again. I showed up ready to go, arms wide open. She said, ‘Eh, let’s not get crazy.’ So I did it for science… and disappointment.”
Mark Normand humorously shares his anticipation of hugging his aunt post-vaccination, only to face rejection. The joke highlights the irony and disappointment of expectations versus reality. It’s a funny reflection on how the pandemic changed social interactions and the humorous awkwardness that followed. Normand’s relatable storytelling captures the mix of hope and letdown, offering a light-hearted take on navigating familial relationships during challenging times.
19. Manifesting Dreams
“My friends say, ‘Just manifest your dreams, man!’ Okay, sure. I’m manifesting financial stability, emotional maturity, and a girlfriend who texts back. Still waiting. Maybe the universe is in a bad mood.”
In this joke, Normand humorously attempts to manifest financial stability, maturity, and a responsive girlfriend. His witty skepticism about the universe’s mood adds a humorous twist. It’s a funny take on the popular self-help notion of manifesting desires, highlighting the often-felt disconnect between dreams and reality. Normand’s joke resonates with anyone who’s ever wished for life improvements through sheer hope, only to meet persistent reality.
20. Gym Experience Disillusionment
“Went to the gym once. Left sore, broke, and confused. People lifting giant weights like they’re auditioning for a Marvel movie. I just want to touch my toes without sounding like a haunted house.”
Mark Normand humorously recounts his disillusioning experience at the gym, feeling sore and confused. His comparison of weightlifters to Marvel auditions adds a comedic twist. The joke captures the feeling of being out of place in a fitness environment, emphasizing the gap between personal fitness goals and reality. Normand’s humor highlights the common struggle of maintaining fitness motivation in the face of intimidating gym culture.
21. Laughter as Medicine
“They say laughter is the best medicine. So I guess my insurance provider is just a heckler in the back yelling, ‘Do another joke, funny man!’”
In this joke, Normand humorously equates laughter to medicine, with a heckler as his insurance provider. The absurdity of being urged to perform more jokes for health benefits adds a comedic twist. It’s a witty critique of the healthcare system and the comedic profession, emphasizing the healing power of laughter. Normand’s humor cleverly intertwines industry insights with relatable themes, making it a memorable quip about healthcare and comedy’s role in well-being.
22. Pro-Silence Over Anti-Social
“I’m not anti-social—I’m pro-silence. I just think conversations should come with an off-switch. Especially small talk. Like, what am I supposed to do with, ‘Crazy weather, huh?’ Make a forecast?”
Mark Normand humorously claims to be pro-silence rather than anti-social, humorously critiquing small talk. The unwanted ‘crazy weather, huh?’ highlights his desire for an off-switch in conversations. It’s a funny take on the draining nature of meaningless chatter, resonating with those who enjoy solitude over superficial interactions. Normand’s wit shines in this relatable joke, capturing the essence of valuing silence in a world full of endless conversation.
23. Pandemic-Induced Awkwardness
“After the pandemic, I forgot how to talk to people. I said ‘thank you’ to a microwave the other day. We made eye contact. It beeped back. I think it went well.”
Mark Normand humorously reflects on post-pandemic social skills, sharing an awkward interaction with a microwave. The imagery of making eye contact and thanking an appliance captures the essence of re-learning social cues. It’s a funny commentary on the impact of isolation on interpersonal skills, resonating with many who’ve experienced similar awkwardness. Normand’s joke highlights the humor in adjusting back to normalcy, finding comedy in everyday mishaps.
24. Supportive Yet Confused Parents
“My parents are supportive in a ‘we don’t understand you, but we clap anyway’ kind of way. They watch my stand-up and say, ‘You were… loud! And your pants fit!’ That’s encouragement, right?”
In this joke, Normand humorously describes his parents’ supportive yet confused reactions to his comedy career. Their praise for loudness and well-fitting pants highlights their misunderstanding yet love for his work. It’s a funny reflection on generational gaps and familial support, capturing the blend of pride and confusion that often characterizes parental encouragement. Normand’s humor resonates with anyone who’ve experienced similar dynamics with their families.