Back in Time Today
Remember when toys came with a side of danger? The 1980s were the wild west of playthings, before safety regulations tamed the toy aisle. Parents handed kids toys that shot projectiles at eye level, contained actual toxic chemicals, or heated up to skin-searing temperatures. Looking back, it’s amazing we survived our childhoods with these plastic hazards disguised as fun.
1. Lawn Darts: Backyard Missile Crisis
Weighing about half a pound with metal tips sharp enough to pierce soil, Lawn Darts were essentially weaponized javelins marketed as family fun. Players tossed these missiles toward plastic rings on the ground, hoping for a bullseye.
The predictable happened: children became unintended targets. After causing nearly 7,000 injuries and several deaths, the Consumer Product Safety Commission banned their sale in 1988.
Imagine explaining to modern parents that we once gave children heavy spears to throw around during backyard barbecues. The original packaging didn’t even suggest wearing protective gear!
2. Creepy Crawlers: The Mini Burn Ward Maker
Nothing says childhood fun like handling scorching hot metal plates, right? The original Thingmaker kits let kids pour “Plastigoop” into metal molds before cooking them at temperatures approaching 400°F.
Burns were practically guaranteed as children eagerly pried their rubbery bugs from the hot metal molds. No safety locks, no temperature indicators, just a hot plate and hope.
The toy eventually returned with safety improvements, but ’80s kids remember the distinctive smell of burning plastic and the occasional finger blister as badges of honor. Parents somehow thought this miniature foundry operation was appropriate for unsupervised play.
3. Easy-Bake Oven: The Finger-Cooking Culinary Experience
Junior bakers of the ’80s learned cooking fundamentals and burn treatment simultaneously thanks to the Easy-Bake Oven. These mini ovens used 100-watt incandescent light bulbs as heat sources, reaching temperatures hot enough to bake tiny cakes – and tiny fingers.
The original design featured a slot just wide enough for curious children to insert their hands, leading to countless burns. The heating element lacked proper shielding, and the exterior became dangerously hot during operation.
Modern versions use safer heating elements, but vintage models were essentially fire hazards disguised as toys. Still, the smell of those miniature chocolate cakes almost made the danger worthwhile.
4. Clackers: Orbital Face Hazards
Two acrylic balls on a string doesn’t sound threatening until you witness them in action. Clackers (also called Klik-Klaks) were swung up and down, creating a satisfying “clack” sound when the hard plastic balls collided.
The entertainment factor was high – until centrifugal force caused these plastic orbs to shatter mid-swing. Fragments would explode at high velocity, often toward the user’s face.
Made from brittle acrylic in early versions, these simple toys caused numerous eye injuries and facial lacerations. Schools eventually banned them before safety regulations caught up. The toy later returned with softer materials, but ’80s kids remember the original face-threatening version.
5. Battlestar Galactica Colonial Viper: Choking Hazard in Space
Every child wanted to recreate epic space battles with this sleek fighter toy. The Colonial Viper’s main feature? A spring-loaded missile that fired with alarming force from the nose cone.
Mattel designed these projectiles small enough to lodge perfectly in a child’s throat. After several incidents including at least one child’s death from choking, the toy was recalled for redesign.
The irony wasn’t lost on parents: a toy designed to battle fictional Cylons was actually battling real children. Later versions featured non-removable missiles, but original models remain collector’s items – albeit dangerous ones. The red firing button was irresistible to small fingers.
6. Slap Bracelets: Wrist Fashion That Cuts Back
Fashion met danger with these colorful accessories that transformed from flat strips to wrist-hugging bracelets with a satisfying slap. The novelty captivated schoolyards nationwide until the fabric coverings began to wear.
Beneath the bright patterns lurked thin metal bands with surprisingly sharp edges. As the fabric deteriorated, these metal strips would emerge like tiny wrist-slashing weapons.
Schools across America eventually banned them after reports of cuts and injuries. The original versions contained actual recycled metal tape measures with minimal finishing on the edges. Newer versions use plastic or properly finished metal, but vintage ’80s slap bracelets were basically fashionable razor blades.
7. Chemistry Sets: Junior Mad Scientist Kits
Before helicopter parenting, chemistry sets contained actual chemicals that could explode, burn skin, or create toxic gases. The ’80s versions included real acids, combustible compounds, and glass test tubes just waiting to shatter.
Instructions often suggested experiments that produced smoke, flames, or color-changing reactions. Minimal safety equipment was included – perhaps a pair of flimsy plastic goggles if you were lucky.
Modern chemistry sets contain diluted, harmless substances that barely react. But ’80s kids had access to miniature labs that could legitimately cause household disasters. The thrill of potential danger was part of the educational experience, teaching chemistry and emergency response simultaneously.
8. Roller Racer: The Sidewalk Speed Demon
Low to the ground and steered by swinging the handlebars side-to-side, the Roller Racer sent kids zooming down sidewalks at alarming speeds. The premise was simple: sit on the plastic seat, grab the swivel bar, wiggle, and go.
With no brakes whatsoever, stopping options included dragging your feet, crashing into objects, or bailing out entirely. The toy’s low profile made riders nearly invisible to drivers backing out of driveways.
Countless scraped knees, broken arms, and even concussions resulted from these seemingly innocent scooters. The combination of speed, poor visibility, and zero safety features made them particularly hazardous in suburban neighborhoods where they were most popular.
9. Sky Dancers: The Flying Face-Seekers
Launched in 1994 but designed in the ’80s safety mindset, Sky Dancers epitomized the “what could go wrong?” approach to toy design. These plastic dolls with foam wings sat on a launcher base until you pulled a ripcord, sending them spinning wildly into the air.
Their flight paths were completely unpredictable – ceiling fans, eyeballs, younger siblings – nothing was safe. The hard plastic bodies combined with high-speed rotation created perfect conditions for facial injuries and household destruction.
After causing nearly 170 reported injuries, including temporary blindness and facial lacerations, they were finally recalled in 2000. Modern versions have softer materials, but original Sky Dancers remain legendary for their chaotic flight patterns and ability to find the most vulnerable target in any room.