Back in Time Today
Johnny Carson, the legendary host of The Tonight Show, was a master of late-night comedy. His wit, impeccable timing, and ability to turn any situation into a joke made him an icon.
Here are 20 of Johnny Carson’s funniest and most memorable jokes.
1. Presidential Democracy
“Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president—and anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president.”
This joke captures Carson’s knack for political satire. It cleverly comments on the state of American politics, poking fun at the dynamics between presidents and vice presidents.
Carson’s ability to deliver such lines with impeccable timing endeared him to audiences. His jokes remain timeless, often reflecting truths about politics that resonate across generations. The humor is in the simplicity and directness, allowing his audience to laugh while considering the underlying implications.
2. Dentist’s Karma
“Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.”
Carson’s comedic genius shines through in this joke about karma. The humor lies in the ironic twist of the dentist, often seen as a source of discomfort, experiencing pain themselves.
Carson had a gift for turning everyday situations into comedic gold. His audience appreciated how he could make even mundane experiences amusing. The mix of anticipation and unexpectedness in this joke showcases Carson’s unique comedic touch, making his humor relatable and timeless.
3. Christmas Mail
“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
This quip taps into the holiday season frustrations many have experienced. Carson’s timing and delivery made this a standout joke during his shows. By using the common experience of holiday mailing mishaps, Carson connects with his audience.
This joke exemplifies his skill in highlighting societal irritations with humor. The relatability of the situation, paired with Carson’s charm, ensures this joke remains memorable. His ability to joke about everyday annoyances endeared him to viewers of all ages.
4. Elvis and Impersonators
“If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.”
Carson’s humor here is both sharp and unexpected, highlighting his ability to surprise. The joke plays on the idea of life’s unfairness, using Elvis Presley as an example.
Carson’s delivery made even such dark humor feel light-hearted. His audience loved him for these kinds of remarks, showcasing his skill at mixing cultural references with a unique twist. Carson’s jokes often carried a touch of truth, making people laugh while also pondering their reality.
5. Hollywood Politics
“I hear that in Los Angeles, there’s a guy running for governor who once made a home video. How do you campaign against that? ‘Vote for me, I won’t sleep with anybody’?”
Carson was a master at blending politics with Hollywood gossip. This joke draws on the sensationalism often surrounding political candidates, especially in a city like Los Angeles.
Carson’s wit was sharp, and he used it to reveal the absurdity of certain situations. His audience loved how he could make light of even the most scandalous topics. This joke remains a testament to his fearless comedic style.
6. Thanksgiving Family Visits
“Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year—and then discover once a year is way too often.”
Carson tapped into the universal experience of family gatherings. His humor here is both warm and relatable, offering a light-hearted take on holiday dynamics.
The joke underscores the love and tension that often coexist in family relationships. Carson had a way of making audiences laugh at their own experiences. This ability to connect through shared situations made his humor both enduring and beloved.
7. Marriage and Variety
“If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.”
Carson’s take on marriage reflects his observational comedy style. The humor lies in the contrast between the excitement of variety and the mundane nature of Spam.
Carson’s audiences appreciated his ability to address everyday topics with wit. This joke captures the routine that can sometimes accompany long-term relationships. His way of presenting the familiar in a humorous light made him a household favorite. Carson’s charm turned even the simplest jokes into memorable moments.
8. Fruitcake Conspiracy
“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.”
Carson’s humor often highlighted shared experiences. The fruitcake joke resonates during the holiday season, when gift-giving is at its peak. Carson’s ability to use such a simple premise to elicit laughter is a testament to his comedic talent.
The idea of a singular fruitcake being circulated underscores the absurdity of the tradition. His light-hearted critique of holiday customs endeared him to viewers. This joke remains a classic holiday quip.
9. Scientists and Alcohol
“Scientists have developed a new drug that, when combined with alcohol, makes you feel the way you always wanted to feel when you were drinking.”
Carson’s humor here explores the human desire for control in social situations. The joke points at the irony of seeking substances to enhance experiences.
Carson’s delivery made such commentary both amusing and thought-provoking. His ability to touch on themes of human behavior with wit and insight is evident. This joke, with its clever observation about the nature of indulgence, showcases Carson’s skill in delivering humor with depth.
10. Naive Childhood
“I was so naïve as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.”
Carson’s humor often involved reflections on his own life. This joke is a charming portrayal of childhood innocence. His delivery made such seemingly simple statements resonate with audiences. The humor lies in the contrast between the expected mischief of sneaking away and the innocence of doing nothing.
Carson’s ability to turn nostalgic moments into comedy showcases his storytelling prowess. His audience appreciated these glimpses into his past, presented with warmth and humor.
11. New Yorkers in Cabs
“Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.”
This joke captures the essence of New York City’s vibrant chaos. Carson’s humor here highlights the city’s competitive nature, with a clever twist. His audiences, familiar with or curious about New York, found humor in this portrayal.
The joke’s charm lies in its exaggeration, reflecting the city’s fast-paced lifestyle. Carson’s ability to caricature city life endeared him to viewers. This joke, with its playful jab at urban dynamics, remains a memorable line.
12. Healthy Lifestyle Irony
“I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, rich food. He was healthy right up until the day he killed himself.”
Carson’s humor often took unexpected, darker turns, as seen in this joke. The irony of sacrificing pleasures for health only to face a tragic end is stark. Carson’s delivery softened the blow with his characteristic charm.
His audience appreciated the nuances in such jokes, which offered both humor and reflection. The joke’s power lies in its commentary on the human condition. Carson’s ability to tackle serious subjects with humor made him beloved.
13. Two-Year-Olds and Blenders
“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”
Carson’s relatable humor shines in this family-centric joke. The comparison of toddlers to chaotic, lidless blenders is both accurate and amusing. Parents in the audience likely nodded in agreement, finding humor in shared experiences.
Carson’s ability to articulate the chaos of parenting with a light touch made his humor accessible. His jokes often resonated with those familiar with the joys and challenges of raising children. This particular observation remains as relevant and funny as ever.
14. Love and Questions
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?”
Carson’s humor often explored the complexities of emotions. This joke, with its playful skepticism about love, resonated with many. Carson’s delivery added a layer of charm to the line, making it memorable.
His audience appreciated his ability to tackle universally relatable themes with wit. By questioning the conventional wisdom about love, Carson invited audiences to reflect on their own experiences. This joke is a testament to his skill in combining humor with insight, offering laughter and contemplation in equal measure.
15. Divorce and Tornadoes
“The difference between a divorce and a tornado in the South? Nothing. Either way, somebody’s losing a trailer.”
Carson’s humor here draws on regional stereotypes and the chaos of both natural and personal disasters. His clever wordplay captures the essence of Southern life’s unpredictability.
Carson’s audiences loved his ability to find humor in stereotypes, delivered with a twinkle in his eye. This joke highlights his skill in using geographic and cultural references for comedic effect. The line remains a memorable example of Carson’s ability to make light of serious situations.
16. Drinking and Decency
“A woman drove me to drink, and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.”
Carson’s humor often explored themes of love and vice. This joke, with its twist on gratitude, showcases his unique comedic perspective. His audiences appreciated the blend of self-deprecation and wit in his delivery.
Carson’s ability to turn personal anecdotes into universal humor was a hallmark of his style. This joke, like many of Carson’s, offers both laughter and a moment of introspection. His charm and timing ensured such lines left a lasting impression on audiences.
17. Executives and Signatures
“To be an executive in this country, you don’t have to be able to read or write, but you do have to be able to sign your name.”
Carson’s satire on business culture is sharp and incisive. This joke reflects on the perceived disconnect between skill and success. His delivery, filled with a knowing smile, highlighted the absurdity of corporate hierarchies.
Carson’s audiences enjoyed his ability to critique societal norms with humor. This joke exemplifies his skill in addressing serious topics lightly. The line remains a witty take on the quirks of the professional world.
18. New York’s Mysteries
“New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most of it unsolved.”
Carson’s humor captured the essence of New York’s perpetual motion. His audiences, whether familiar with the city or not, found humor in his depiction. This joke highlights the city’s vibrant yet chaotic character.
Carson’s ability to distill the complexities of urban life into a single line was unmatched. The humor lies in the exaggeration, a playful nod to New York’s reputation. His charm and insight made such observations a hit with viewers, showcasing his enduring comedic appeal.
19. Power of Positive Thinking
“I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought, ‘What the hell good would that do?’”
Carson’s humor often explored skepticism and irony. This joke reflects on human nature’s tendency towards doubt, even in self-help. His delivery added a layer of charm to the critique, making it resonate with audiences.
Carson’s ability to question popular trends with humor was a key part of his appeal. This joke remains a clever commentary on the self-help industry. His insight and humor offered audiences both laughter and a moment of reflection.
20. Mistaken Identity Retirement
“I knew it was time to retire when I was walking down the street and people were asking me for my autograph, and I realized they thought I was Walter Matthau.”
Carson’s self-deprecating humor shines in this line. The joke reflects on aging and celebrity with a light touch. His audiences loved his ability to laugh at himself, making him relatable.
Carson’s delivery, with its gentle charm, ensured this joke was a hit. This line exemplifies his skill in turning personal observations into universal humor. His wit and warmth made such moments memorable for viewers.
21. Mistaken Identity Retirement
“I knew it was time to retire when I was walking down the street and people were asking me for my autograph, and I realized they thought I was Walter Matthau.”
Carson’s self-deprecating humor shines in this line. The joke reflects on aging and celebrity with a light touch. His audiences loved his ability to laugh at himself, making him relatable.
Carson’s delivery, with its gentle charm, ensured this joke was a hit. This line exemplifies his skill in turning personal observations into universal humor. His wit and warmth made such moments memorable for viewers.