Back in Time Today
Anjelah Johnson blends observational humor, character voices, and her own cultural experiences into laugh-out-loud stand-up. Whether she’s impersonating a nail salon worker or talking about married life, she brings charm and punchlines every time.
Here are 19 of her funniest jokes, now with a little more length—and even more laughs.
1. Nail Salon Epiphany
“You ever go to the nail salon just to feel human again? I walked in for a quick polish change and somehow left with acrylics, rhinestones, a new credit card balance, and a deep emotional connection to Kim, who told me her life story while filing my cuticles.”
Anjelah Johnson captures this hilarious escapade perfectly, showcasing her talent for turning everyday experiences into comedic gold.
In her stand-up, Anjelah paints a vivid picture of the bustling salon atmosphere, where a simple visit transforms into a bonding session with a nail tech who becomes an impromptu therapist.
2. Gel Nail Dilemma
“My nail lady be like, ‘You want gel?’ I’m like, girl, I came in here with broken dreams, a chipped thumbnail, and a Groupon. Just give me the regular polish that lasts 24 hours and let me pretend I have my life together.”
Anjelah’s comedic genius shines as she navigates the world of nail salons with both humor and authenticity.
This joke captures the common struggle of trying to maintain appearances while on a budget, all while engaging with the friendly yet persuasive nail techs.
3. The Loud Breather
“Marriage is beautiful, but also… my husband breathes loud. Not snores. Just breathes. And I’m lying in bed like, ‘Is this how I go to jail? Over breathing?’ That’s love and homicide living side by side.”
Anjelah’s humor strikes a chord with anyone who’s ever been exasperated by a partner’s everyday habits.
Her ability to find hilarity in the mundane aspects of married life is relatable and entertaining, turning what could be an annoyance into comedy gold.
4. Throw Pillow Lifestyle
“You know you’ve hit adulthood when throw pillows become a lifestyle choice. Like, I got so many pillows on my bed, I have to schedule a removal process before I can even lie down. It’s cardio just to get into bed.”
Through this joke, Anjelah highlights the absurdity of home decor trends and the lengths we go to for aesthetics.
Her light-hearted take on adulting resonates with many who find themselves buried in pillows, questioning their life choices.
5. Cereal Cooking
“My husband said he’d cook dinner. I came home to a bowl of cereal and a confused man looking at the microwave like it was a spaceship. ‘I made it fancy—almond milk.’ Thanks, Gordon Ramsay.”
Anjelah’s comedic storytelling captures the humorous side of domestic life and the unexpected turns it can take.
This joke is a nod to the sometimes comedic efforts we make in everyday scenarios, bringing laughter to relatable household situations.
6. Traffic Confessions
“I love Jesus, but I cuss a little. Okay, a lot. Especially in traffic. One minute I’m listening to worship music, next thing I know I’m laying hands on my horn and casting demons out of that slow minivan in front of me.”
Her contrast between spirituality and road rage creates a comedic tension that’s both relatable and entertaining.
Anjelah’s ability to weave personal anecdotes with humor showcases her talent in making audiences laugh and reflect simultaneously.
7. Home-Office Realities
“People say, ‘It must be nice working from home.’ Yeah, until you realize you haven’t worn real pants in a month, and you’re arguing with your cat about who gets the good chair.”
Anjelah humorously captures the quirks and challenges of remote work life, making audiences chuckle at their own experiences.
Her witty observations highlight the ironic and often amusing realities of working from home, especially in a world increasingly shifting towards remote work.
8. Latina Mom Vacuuming
“Latina moms vacuum like they’re mad at the devil himself. Like, ‘You think you can sleep in? Not in MY house!’ And every time she hits a corner, it’s personal. That vacuum be shaking the whole house like a mini earthquake.”
Anjelah’s knack for character comedy shines as she mimics the intense energy of Latina moms, making everyone relate to household cleaning dynamics.
Her humor adds a light-hearted twist to the universal experience of being woken up by the sound of a vacuum cleaner on a weekend morning.
9. Church Whisperer
“I try to whisper in church, but somehow I sound like a sports announcer. ‘WHERE’S THE BATHROOM?’ My whole row just turns around like I asked to borrow communion.”
Through her humor, Anjelah reveals the struggles of maintaining decorum in quiet places, turning them into laugh-out-loud moments.
This joke showcases her comedic timing and ability to make everyday scenarios hilariously relatable.
10. Cookie Conundrum
“I don’t need a personal trainer. I need someone to slap the cookie out of my hand, run a 5K, and then pray for my attitude.”
Anjelah’s comedic take on fitness and self-control provides a fresh perspective on health goals and the temptations that accompany them.
Her humor resonates with anyone who’s ever faced the challenge of balancing indulgence with the aspiration for a healthier lifestyle.
11. Spin Class Survivor
“I went to spin class once. Thought it would be fun. Thirty seconds in, I’m sweating like I’m in a hostage video, and the instructor’s yelling like I owe her money. Ma’am, I came for a workout, not military training.”
Anjelah humorously captures the intensity of fitness classes, making audiences laugh at the shared pain and perseverance.
Her vivid description of the experience brings out the often daunting nature of spin classes, adding a comedic spin to the world of exercise.
12. Starbucks Name Game
“Starbucks employees ask for your name like they’re doing a research study, and then still spell it like they lost control of the keyboard mid-sneeze. I said ‘Anjelah,’ and I got ‘Onjula’ with a question mark.”
Anjelah’s take on the classic Starbucks name debacle is both funny and universally relatable.
Her humor highlights the disconnect between intent and execution in everyday interactions, creating a laughable yet familiar scenario for many coffee lovers.
13. Family FaceTime Fiasco
“I love my family, but they always FaceTime me when I look like I just woke up in a haunted house. I got one eye open, bonnet on, and they’re like, ‘Why you look tired?’ Because y’all keep calling me!”
Anjelah humorously highlights the realities of unexpected video calls and the comedic timing they often have.
Her witty take on family interactions brings laughter and recognition to anyone who’s been caught off guard by a surprise FaceTime session.
14. Gym Membership Misadventure
“I joined a gym because they had good towels and cucumber water. Three weeks later, I still don’t know where the weight room is, but my skin is hydrated.”
Anjelah’s joke about gym membership motivations provides a humorous take on fitness culture and personal priorities.
Her witty observations capture the irony of gym memberships, where the perks sometimes overshadow the actual exercise, making it a relatable experience for many.
15. Browsing Bout
“When I say I’m ‘just browsing,’ I mean I’m walking around the store for air conditioning and validation. I leave with zero items and a boosted sense of self-worth.”
Anjelah’s comedic insight into the art of retail therapy reveals the unspoken truths of shopping.
Her humor adds an entertaining twist to the concept of browsing, turning a mundane activity into a moment of personal affirmation.
16. Makeup Tutorial Trap
“I’ve been ‘getting ready’ for 45 minutes, and I’m still in a towel watching makeup tutorials. At this point, I’m learning how to contour for a life I clearly have no intention of going out into.”
Anjelah’s humorous take on procrastination and beauty routines resonates with anyone who’s ever been caught in the YouTube tutorial loop.
Her ability to find comedy in these all-too-familiar scenarios showcases her observational talent and connects with audiences on a personal level.
17. Salad Struggle
“You ever try to eat healthy and end up angry and full of salad? That’s not dinner. That’s rabbit punishment. I’m over here chewing leaves like I lost a bet.”
Anjelah’s comedic commentary on dieting provides a relatable narrative for anyone who has struggled with health-conscious eating.
Her wit turns the often frustrating endeavor of eating salads into a laughable moment, making the audience chuckle at the shared experience.
18. Scary Movie Avoidance
“I don’t do scary movies. I don’t even do scary commercials. If I hear ‘based on a true story,’ I’m gone. You’re telling me this really happened and I’m supposed to sleep after? No thanks, I’ll be watching Disney+ forever.”
Anjelah’s humor captures the essence of fear and avoidance in an entertaining light, resonating with those who prefer lighter viewing options.
Her ability to turn personal preferences into universal jokes highlights her skill in connecting with audiences through shared sentiments.
19. Target Temptation
“I told myself I was saving money. Then I walked into Target for toothpaste and came out with candles, throw pillows, and a life-sized decorative llama. Target don’t even ask—they whisper to your soul.”
Anjelah’s comedic exploration of impulse buying is both entertaining and relatable, capturing the allure of retail stores.
Her humor shines as she describes the irresistible nature of Target shopping trips, where needs and wants blur into a cart full of surprises.