Back in Time Today
Richard Ayoade is the king of cerebral comedy, dry wit, and socially awkward charm. Whether he’s dissecting human behavior with surgical sarcasm or making you question why doors open the way they do, his humor is delightfully absurd and razor-sharp.
Here are 19 of his most hilarious and quintessentially Ayoade-style jokes—now a little longer and even more awkwardly delightful.
1. The Party Scientist
I don’t enjoy parties. I attend them the way a scientist observes bacteria—fascinated, repulsed, and wearing protective clothing. There’s always that moment where someone suggests a “fun group activity,” and I instinctively begin plotting my exit strategy like I’m escaping from a maximum-security prison—but with hummus.
2. The Small Talk Cult
I once tried small talk. It started with the weather and ended in a 15-minute lecture on the decline of Western civilization and why the Roman Empire fell. I thought I was being educational. They thought I was trying to start a cult. I was not invited back.
3. Fear of Dinner Parties
I don’t fear death. I fear dinner parties. Death is quiet. Death is dignified. Dinner parties are a social endurance test where I have to pretend I care about someone’s artisanal cheese board while slowly becoming one with the wallpaper.
4. Exercise and Medieval Torture
I enjoy exercise in the same way I enjoy medieval torture—as a fascinating historical concept I’ve read about, admired from afar, and decided, definitively, is not for me. If I’m sweating and in pain, something has gone terribly wrong and possibly illegal.
5. Ideal Holiday: Solitude
My ideal holiday involves reading a book in utter silence while wearing noise-canceling headphones and avoiding eye contact with other tourists. If you see me near a beach, I’m probably lost. If I speak to you, I’ve definitely been kidnapped.
6. Pro-Personal Space
I’m not antisocial. I’m pro-personal space, pro-silence, and extremely pro-not-being-trapped-in-a-conversation-about-yogurt brands and someone’s new ergonomic chair. I don’t hate people. I just prefer them heavily curated and kept at a safe emotional distance.
7. Flirting with Kierkegaard
I once tried to flirt by quoting Kierkegaard. Apparently, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards” is not a universally recognized pickup line. Who knew Danish existentialism wouldn’t get me a second date?
8. Types of People
There are two types of people: those who think they’re interesting, and those who are correct. The former tell you about their juice cleanse. The latter quietly judge them while stress-eating chocolate behind a bookshelf.
9. Accidental Professor Fashion
My fashion sense is best described as “accidental professor meets sentient raincloud.” I dress like I’ve just been kicked out of a poetry slam and am on my way to a philosophy duel. It’s all very intentional, even the part where I forget socks.
10. Nature Through a Window
I do enjoy nature—specifically, the kind you observe through a sealed window while drinking tea indoors. Hiking, to me, is simply an aggressive walk away from comfort. If I wanted that, I’d just go to IKEA without a map.
11. Conversational Tea
I like my conversations like I like my tea: brief, slightly bitter, and with something to hold in my hands to avoid hugging. If your story involves more than one plot twist or an ex-boyfriend named “Chad,” I’m mentally in another dimension.
12. Networking with a Plant
I once went to a networking event and accidentally networked with a potted plant for ten minutes. I complimented its leaves, asked what it “does,” and honestly, it was the most engaged response I got all night. I’m still waiting for it to email me back.
13. Fun Run Oxymoron
I believe the phrase “fun run” is an oxymoron. Nothing enjoyable has ever happened after the words “set your alarm for 6 AM” and “hydrate aggressively.” If I’m running, you should be running too—because something very bad is chasing me.
14. Aloof and Eco-Conscious
I’ve been described as “aloof,” which I think is unfair. I’m not distant—I’m just very emotionally eco-conscious. I conserve my energy, recycle my smiles, and only engage in conversations when absolutely necessary and preferably via email.
15. Cooking and Jazz
My relationship with cooking is much like my relationship with jazz—confusing, occasionally smoky, and best enjoyed when someone else is doing it. I once followed a recipe that said “season to taste,” so I added sarcasm and left.
16. High-Maintenance Technology
Technology is wonderful—until it starts expecting things from you. I don’t want a relationship with my printer. If it needs updates, charging, or emotional reassurance, it’s not a device. It’s a high-maintenance flatmate who smells like toner.
17. Synchronized Silence
I don’t like group activities unless they involve synchronized silence, matching pajamas, and the mutual understanding that we will never speak of this again. Nothing builds camaraderie like shared discomfort and mutual avoidance.
18. Online Dating Solitude
I once tried online dating. My algorithm matched me with solitude, and frankly, we’ve been seeing each other ever since. We’re not official, but we are emotionally exclusive. I’ve never been ghosted by my own company.
19. Engaging Conversational Tone
Richard Ayoade’s humor is engaging and utterly unique, combining dry wit with intellectual depth and a touch of awkward charm. His jokes make you think, laugh, and sometimes cringe. Whether he’s exploring the absurdities of social norms or poking fun at himself, his style is always fresh and entertaining.