Back in Time Today
Robin Harris was known for his fast-talking style, no-nonsense delivery, and the kind of humor that felt like it came straight from your uncle who never bit his tongue. With jokes rooted in family, everyday struggle, and calling people out with love (and shade), Harris carved a place in comedy that still echoes decades later.
Here are 19 of his funniest, realest, and most quotable lines.
1. Kid on Layaway
I told my kid if he didn’t stop acting up, I was gonna put him on layaway. Yeah—$5 a week, no receipt, no return policy. I told him, “You keep testing me, and you gon’ end up next to the vacuum cleaners at Walmart, waiting on a pickup.”
This joke captures the essence of parental frustration mixed with humor. It’s about turning a moment of exasperation into something hilariously relatable. Parents worldwide might chuckle, imagining their own little troublemakers on a store shelf, labeled like discounted merchandise, waiting for better behavior.
2. ADHD vs. Discipline
Back in my day, you didn’t have ADHD. You had ‘you better sit your behind down before I knock the D, the H, and the A outta you.’ We didn’t need no diagnosis—we had discipline, and a slipper with accuracy like a sniper.
This joke hilariously contrasts modern parenting with past discipline methods. It highlights the evolution of understanding children’s behavior while poking fun at how parents once maintained order. The image of a mother with slipper in hand, ready to teach a lesson, is universally understood, making it both nostalgic and funny.
3. Limited Dinner Options
These kids today got too many options. When I was growing up, your option was: eat what’s on the plate or go to bed hungry and hope your dreams had snacks. You didn’t like what was cooked? Too bad. That’s dinner, breakfast, and maybe lunch tomorrow if you get slick.
This joke is a nod to the simpler, stricter times many adults remember. It’s about the lack of choices and the universal experience of having to eat whatever was served. The humor lies in the idea of dreaming about snacks because that was the only alternative to an unappealing meal.
4. Six-Pack Under Ribs
My friend asked me why I don’t go to the gym. I said, ‘I already got a six-pack.’ It’s just under two slabs of ribs, some collard greens, mac and cheese, and cornbread so good it got its own fan club.
This joke playfully addresses body image and a love for food. It’s about embracing who you are and what you enjoy, even if it doesn’t align with fitness ideals. The visual of a six-pack hidden under comfort food is both humorous and relatable, highlighting the joy of eating over the pressure to conform to body standards.
5. Grape Kool-Aid at Fancy Restaurant
I took my date to a fancy restaurant. The waiter brought out the wine list like he was showing me classified documents. I said, ‘Man, do y’all have grape Kool-Aid or not? And don’t play me with that sugarless mess.’
This joke highlights the clash between high-class dining and simple pleasures. It’s about staying true to oneself and not being swayed by upscale pretensions. The humor is in the absurdity of asking for grape Kool-Aid at a place where wine is the norm. It’s a reminder that sometimes, the simplest things bring the most joy.
6. Finger-Lickin’ Broke
I told my cousin, ‘You so broke, you go to KFC just to lick other people’s fingers.’ He said, ‘That’s nasty.’ I said, ‘So is asking me for rent money when you live with your mama.’
This joke is about financial struggles and the lengths some people go to make ends meet. It’s a playful jab at those who rely too much on others for help. The visual of someone going to KFC with such an absurd purpose adds a layer of humor, while the punchline brings it back to reality, poking fun at familial dependence.
7. Human TV Remote
Kids today be on their phones like they CEOs. When I was their age, I was the TV remote. My mama yelled, “Turn it to channel 3,” and I ran like my life depended on it. And if she caught you changing the channel too slow? Boy, that slipper was wireless.
This joke reminisces about a time before remote controls were common, highlighting the role children played in operating the television. The humor is in the comparison to modern technology and the threat of a flying slipper for lagging behind. It’s a nostalgic nod to childhood chores.
8. Catfished Date
I tried online dating once. Ended up on a date with a woman who catfished me so hard, I thought I was in a National Geographic special. I showed up thinking it was dinner, she showed up looking like witness protection.
This joke captures the pitfalls of online dating, where expectations often don’t match reality. The humor lies in the extreme exaggeration of the date’s appearance, likening it to a nature documentary or a witness protection program. It’s a funny take on the surprises that come with meeting someone new in the digital age.
9. Potato Salad Trust Issues
I don’t trust anybody who eats potato salad from just anywhere. If it ain’t made by somebody’s auntie with a gold tooth and a church fan, don’t bring it to the cookout. That’s how you end up with regrets and diarrhea at the same time.
This joke plays on the importance of trust and tradition in food preparation. It emphasizes the unwritten rules of family gatherings, especially when it comes to beloved dishes like potato salad. The humor is in the skepticism and the vivid warning of potential culinary disasters, making it both relatable and entertaining.
10. Babies in Jordans
These new parents got babies wearing Jordans. For what? That baby can’t even sit up straight. He drooling on $60 shoes, got no job, no teeth, and already got better sneakers than me. I’m jealous and offended.
This joke highlights the absurdity of dressing babies in high-end clothing. It’s about the parental urge to show off, even when practicality is absent. The humor is in the contrasting images of a helpless baby and expensive sneakers. The joke is a playful critique of consumerism, questioning the need for such luxury in baby fashion when they can’t appreciate it.
11. Public Tantrums
You ever see a kid throw a tantrum in public? Back in my day, you threw a tantrum, and your mama turned into Bruce Lee in the produce aisle. One chop to the back of your neck and you were reciting the Ten Commandments in the cereal aisle.
This joke humorously contrasts past and present parenting approaches. It’s about the swift, no-nonsense discipline many adults recall from their childhoods. The humor comes from the exaggerated martial arts reference, painting a picture of a parent turning into a martial artist to regain control. It’s a nostalgic laugh at stricter times.
12. Vegan BBQ Surprise
I went to a vegan BBQ once. I said, ‘Where the meat at?’ They handed me a carrot on a stick and called it a hot dog. I said, ‘If I wanted to chew sadness, I’d eat my childhood.’ Called my taxi so fast, I beat the carrot back to the kitchen.
This joke looks at the cultural shift towards veganism, using humor to express surprise and disappointment. The punchline captures the essence of unmet expectations and the longing for familiar comforts. It’s a funny take on dietary trends and the gap between anticipation and reality.
13. Gas Money Dilemma
You know someone broke when they ask if gas money includes snacks. No, fool, this ain’t food delivery. I’m taking you to the store, not on a dinner date. Don’t hop in my ride with $5 and dreams.
This joke is about the misunderstandings around financial contributions during car rides. It highlights the sometimes absurd expectations people have when splitting costs. The humor is in the assumption that gas money might cover additional perks, and the driver’s incredulous response. It’s a playful look at the dynamics of friendship and the small negotiations that come with shared travel.
14. Nephew the Influencer
I asked my nephew what he wanted to be when he grows up. He said, ‘An actor.’ I said, ‘Well, you better act on them dishes in that sink, because that spaghetti ain’t gonna rinse itself.’
This joke plays on the modern ambition of becoming a social media influencer, contrasting it with mundane household responsibilities. The humor lies in the juxtaposition of lofty career goals with the immediate need to complete chores. It’s a reminder of the balance between dreams and real-world duties, a gentle nudge that responsibilities come before aspirations.
15. Aunt’s Discipline Tools
My aunt used to whoop me with whatever was in reach. Extension cord, flip-flop, TV remote, Bible—she turned the house into American Gladiators. And after, she’d say, “I did it because I love you.” Well, love me with your words next time.
This joke reflects on the creative methods of discipline used by past generations. The humor is in the exaggeration of turning everyday objects into tools of correction. It’s a nostalgic, if not slightly exasperated, look back at how love was expressed through tough love, offering a mix of humor and a touch of absurdity.
16. Family Reunions of the Past
Back in the day, your family reunion wasn’t no big event—it was whoever showed up at Big Mama’s house with Tupperware and gossip. Somebody was frying chicken, somebody was on dominoes, and somebody was dodging child support.
This joke humorously captures the essence of impromptu family gatherings. It’s about the simplicity and spontaneity of reunions from the past. The humor lies in the colorful description of family dynamics, where everyone played a part, whether it was cooking, playing games, or avoiding responsibilities. It’s a fond look back at the chaos and comfort of family life.
17. Vegan Neighbor Reality Check
My neighbor said he was going vegan. I said, ‘You got two frozen pizzas and a jar of pickles in your fridge. Only thing green in there is the mold on your bread. Clean your fridge before you clean your diet.’
This joke takes a humorous look at the disconnect between intentions and actions. It highlights the sometimes superficial commitment people make to lifestyle changes. The humor comes from the stark contrast between the neighbor’s vegan declaration and the reality of his fridge contents. It’s a playful reminder to align one’s environment with their goals.
18. $20 Loan Request
I asked my friend to borrow $20. He said, ‘Let me get back to you.’ I said, ‘Man, it’s $20, not a business loan. You ain’t got to run my credit report. I just want lunch, not a mortgage.’
This joke humorously explores the hesitation people face when lending money, even small amounts. The humor is in the exaggerated comparison of a simple loan to a formal financial transaction. It’s a light-hearted take on friendship and the lengths people go to avoid lending money, highlighting the absurdity of overthinking a trivial request.
19. Barber’s Honest Opinion
I told my barber I wanted a cut like Denzel. He spun me around and said, ‘You got more of a Danny DeVito situation.’ I still tipped him—but I cried in the parking lot, looking like Denzel… in a very different movie.
This joke is about the gap between expectations and reality, particularly in personal grooming. The humor lies in the barber’s blunt honesty and the resulting disappointment. It’s a relatable experience for anyone who’s ever left a salon with unexpected results. The joke ends on a note of resilience, tipping despite the outcome, adding a twist of humor.