Back in Time Today
Liza Treyger is one of the funniest voices in stand-up comedy right now—brash, unapologetic, and wildly relatable. From dating disasters to feminist rage, her jokes hit hard and leave you wheezing. Here are 20 of her best one-liners and bits that prove why she’s a comedy powerhouse.
1. On Dating Red Flags
“If a guy says he’s ‘bad at texting,’ he’s bad at liking you. My ex was ‘bad at texting,’ but somehow he always had time to watch every UFC fight.” These words capture dating irony, revealing how actions can speak louder than words in relationships. Treyger’s wit uncovers true intentions with humor.
2. On Being Single
“I don’t need a man. I need a guy who’ll pretend to like my dog just long enough to move in and then suffer silently.” Treyger’s humorous take on singlehood shows independence and the quirks of modern relationships, emphasizing how companionship can come with unexpected dog-related conditions.
3. On Modern Romance
“Dating apps are just job interviews for people who don’t wanna work. ‘So, tell me about yourself?’ Bitch, I’m here to not be alone, not pitch my startup.” Treyger hilariously exposes the absurdity of digital dating, where finding a partner feels more like a corporate interview than romance.
4. On Self-Care
“I tried journaling, but my thoughts are like, ‘Why am I like this?’ and ‘Did I leave the stove on?’ That’s not healing—that’s a Notes app draft.” Treyger’s candid self-care critique highlights the struggle of confronting mundane thoughts, turning the therapeutic into a comedic reality check.
5. On Female Rage
“People say women are too emotional. Yeah, because we’ve been recording men’s bullshit for centuries, and the spreadsheet is glitching.” Treyger sheds light on the build-up of female rage through witty imagery, comparing emotional labor to a complex, overworked spreadsheet ready to crash.
6. On Therapy
“My therapist told me to ‘sit with my feelings.’ Ma’am, I pay you $200 an hour to delete my feelings.” This joke humorously critiques therapeutic clichés, capturing the paradox of paying for emotional relief versus engaging with discomfort, with Treyger’s signature blend of honesty and wit.
7. On Social Media
“Instagram is just women pretending they don’t eat. ‘Here’s my avocado toast!’ Yeah, and where’s the other half of the sandwich you actually ate?” Treyger pokes fun at curated online personas, highlighting the gap between what people post and reality, with humorously critical observations.
8. On Aging
“I’m at that age where my hangovers feel like a police interrogation. ‘What did you do last night?’ ‘I don’t remember, but my body says felony.’” Treyger humorously articulates the painful reality of aging partygoers, turning a hangover into an amusing metaphor for interrogation.
9. On Pet Ownership
“My dog is the only man who’s ever loved me unconditionally—mostly because I feed him. So really, it’s highly conditional.” Treyger humorously redefines unconditional love through her pet, shedding light on the transactional nature of relationships, even with our furry friends.
10. On Dating in Your 30s
“Men in their 30s are like, ‘I’m ready to settle down!’ Cool, but are you ready to stop saying that to every woman who tolerates you?’” Treyger’s sharp critique of dating clichés provides a comedic insight into the repetitive promises often heard in this age group.
11. On Gender Roles
“Men love to say, ‘I’m a provider.’ Okay, but can you provide an orgasm or just Chipotle receipts?” Treyger brilliantly challenges traditional gender roles, questioning what it truly means to provide, with her signature style of humor and clever observation.
12. On Drinking Habits
“I don’t have a drinking problem. I have a ‘this wine is delicious, and my problems are right there’ problem.” Treyger humorously conveys the common coping mechanism of using wine to manage stress, presenting a relatable twist on drinking habits.
13. On Female Friendships
“My best friend and I don’t fight—we just aggressively like each other’s Instagram posts from three years ago as a warning.” Treyger captures the unique quirks of female friendships, using social media interactions as a humorous metaphor for deeper unspoken communication.
14. On Self-Improvement
“I bought a self-help book, but it’s just sitting on my shelf judging me. Wow, you couldn’t even read your way to happiness? Pathetic.” Treyger’s humor highlights the common struggle with self-improvement, turning a neglected book into a symbol of unachieved personal growth.
15. On Dating Red Flags (Again)
“If a guy says, ‘I’m not like other guys,’ he’s exactly like other guys—he just thinks he’s special for knowing what a feelings is.” Treyger’s witty observation reveals common dating pitfalls, emphasizing how grand statements often hide ordinary truths.
16. On Social Expectations
“Why do women have to be ‘graceful’? Men out here sneezing like they’re summoning a demon, and we’re the ones who have to be elegant?” Treyger humorously questions societal expectations, using a relatable sneeze as a backdrop for gender role critique.
17. On Life Choices
“I don’t regret my decisions—I regret that other people remember them.” Treyger playfully confronts the awkwardness of past actions, emphasizing that it’s often the memories of others that haunt us more than our own regrets.
18. On Dating Apps (Again)
“Hinge is just Tinder for people who read. ‘Oh, you like travel and tacos? Wow, what a unique human.’” Treyger humorously critiques dating app clichés, revealing how predictable profiles can be despite branding themselves as sophisticated.
19. On Emotional Baggage
“I don’t have trust issues—I have receipts.” Treyger cleverly uses the metaphor of receipts to illustrate emotional history, suggesting that skepticism is often backed by tangible experiences rather than irrational fears.
20. On Final Wisdom
“Life is short. Eat the bread, text your ex, and let your chaos be someone else’s problem.” Treyger embraces life’s chaos with humor, encouraging indulgence and carefree living, with her characteristically bold and unapologetic style.