Back in Time Today
Bob Saget was a master of contrast—a wholesome TV dad with a stand-up act that could melt paint. Known for his filthy wit, lightning-fast delivery, and surprising moments of vulnerability, his comedy blended shock value with honesty. Here are 21 jokes that reflect the wild, uncensored brilliance of Bob Saget—now longer, sharper, and even more twisted in all the right ways.
1. The Stand-Up Surprise
People are always shocked when they hear my stand-up. “But you were on Full House!” Yeah, and I also have thoughts. Strange, twisted ones. I contain multitudes.
I raised Michelle Tanner and also once told a joke so dirty, it made a priest walk out of a casino. It’s the duality that keeps life interesting, don’t you think?
While I might seem like the ultimate TV dad, my stand-up reveals a side that’s less family dinner, more after-hours party. It’s about balancing the wholesome with the wildly unexpected.
2. Parental Comedian
My daughters once asked me what I did before I was on TV. I said, “I told jokes.” They said, “Can we hear one?” I said, “Absolutely not.”
Then I whispered one to myself, and I laughed so hard I grounded them out of guilt. Parenting, after all, is about knowing when to say no—for everyone’s sake.
Balancing the line between comedian and parent isn’t easy. It’s often said that laughter is the best medicine, but sometimes it’s a prescription best kept to oneself, especially when the audience is your kids.
3. Contradictions of Comedy
I look like the guy you’d trust to babysit your kids, and then I get on stage and talk about things that would make your grandma faint and your therapist retire.
That’s not a contradiction—that’s job security. By keeping people guessing, I make sure they never quite know what to expect.
This unpredictability is what makes comedy exciting. It’s a mix of the familiar and the shocking, the safe and the outrageous. It’s why people keep coming back for more, even if they’re not entirely sure what they signed up for.
4. Stubbed Toe Revelation
You ever stub your toe so hard that you see every decision you’ve made flash before your eyes? It’s like a Netflix sizzle reel of bad choices.
And somehow your toe still isn’t healed two weeks later. I think my bones just gave up. Life’s little mishaps have a way of putting things into perspective.
In those moments of pain and reflection, you realize that sometimes, it’s the smallest things that leave the biggest impression. Or, in this case, the biggest bruise. Perhaps it’s time to reconsider decisions, starting with shoewear.
5. Yoga Misadventures
I tried yoga once. I fell asleep during child’s pose and woke up in corpse pose.
Everyone thought I reached enlightenment, but I was really just dreaming about a cheeseburger and regretting every stretch. Finding peace in the chaos can be difficult.
Sometimes, the journey to self-improvement gets interrupted by unexpected naps. But maybe enlightenment is just finding that balance between effort and rest. Or perhaps it’s about accepting that sometimes, your best intentions lead you to unexpected places, like a yoga mat in a room full of confused yogis.
6. Clean on TV, Dirty on Stage
People ask me why I work clean on TV and dirty on stage. It’s because I’ve got bills to pay and demons to exorcise.
You think Danny Tanner bought that house with Mr. Clean jokes? No. I paid for that granite countertop with jokes about socks and regret.
It’s the duality of life and career that keeps things interesting, a delicate balance between what’s expected and what’s truly felt. In comedy, as in life, sometimes you have to wear two masks—or in my case, a cardigan and a microphone.
7. Heckler from the Past
I once got heckled by a drunk guy in the front row who yelled, “You raised me!” I said, “That explains a lot.
Go home, Timmy, and apologize to your parole officer.” Ah, the joys of recognizing your influence—or lack thereof.
Comedy is often about confronting the unexpected, and sometimes that includes a bit of past responsibility. Maybe not all lessons were learned, but at least it’s good for a laugh. These moments are reminders that life’s unpredictability makes for the best punchlines.
8. The Comedy of Relationships
I’ve been married, divorced, and married again. Relationships are like comedy—timing is everything, and sometimes you bomb so hard the only way out is to pretend it was a rehearsal.
Life has a funny way of mirroring the stage, where every interaction can be a stand-up routine or a pratfall.
Navigating the complexities of love and partnership offers an endless source of material. Just like in comedy, sometimes the best you can do is laugh, learn, and try again. Thankfully, there’s always a next act and plenty of potential for laughter.
9. Old Shoe Dilemma
You know you’re old when you bend down to tie your shoe and seriously consider living down there.
You start checking emails, meditating, questioning your life choices—all while holding a sneaker. Age has a way of sneaking up on you, sometimes during the most mundane tasks.
In those moments, it’s important to find the humor in the little things. Life’s absurdities, like contemplating life’s grand questions over a shoelace, often provide the best material for reflection—and comedy. In the end, sometimes all you need is a new perspective and a good laugh.
10. Mistaken Identity
I got mistaken for a priest once. I said, “You don’t want me blessing anything. Unless it’s tequila or regret. Then I’ve got a sermon prepared.”
Mistaken identities can lead to humorous reflections on who we appear to be and who we really are.
In the world of comedy, perceptions often conflict with reality, providing endless opportunities for laughter. It’s about embracing those moments, whether they involve divine intervention or spirited libations. In the end, it’s all about knowing your strengths—even if they aren’t exactly holy.
11. Full House Therapy
Sometimes people ask me to tell them a Full House story. I tell them about the time Uncle Jesse tried to give me a haircut and I almost ended up in therapy for five years.
The lesson? Never trust a man with perfect hair and a band.
Television brings many challenges, from comedic hairstyles to unexpected therapy sessions. These stories remind us that behind the scenes, life is just as chaotic and humorous as it appears on screen. The real magic lies in the laughter shared, on set and beyond.
12. Judging GPS
My GPS has started judging me. “In 500 feet, make a U-turn… because clearly, you don’t know where you’re going in life or in traffic.”
I don’t need a device that gives directions and passive-aggressive life coaching. Technology, it seems, has turned into another critical family member.
As life’s paths twist and turn, finding humor in unexpected guidance keeps things interesting. In an age of digital voices and AI advice, perhaps the best response is a laugh and a shrug. After all, sometimes the journey is more amusing than the destination.
13. Pet Dynamics
My dog loves me unconditionally. My cat thinks I’m her unpaid intern. My goldfish faked his death just to get out of the family dynamic. He’s probably living under a new name in Florida.
Family, in all its forms, provides an endless source of comedy.
Each pet represents a different aspect of relationships: loyalty, indifference, and the occasional need for escape. These dynamics mirror our human experiences, providing laughter and insight into life’s quirky nature. Embracing these moments allows us to see life’s comedy, one pet or punchline at a time.
14. Looks Can Be Deceiving
People always say, “You don’t look like you’d be dirty.” I say, “That’s the trick. I look like an insurance agent, but I talk like a sailor with a head injury.”
Appearances, as always, can be deceiving, leading to endless comedic potential.
Life is about embracing our contradictions and finding humor in unexpected places. It’s this duality that fuels the comedy of everyday life. By defying expectations, even the most mundane scenarios take on a humorous twist. Whether in a cardigan or a comedy club, surprises are always guaranteed.
15. Silent College Crowd
I once played a college gig where the audience was so quiet, I started doing crowd work with the exit signs. “Hey EXIT, what’s your major? Emergency response? That’s hot.”
Comedy sometimes meets unexpected silence, a challenge that turns into opportunity.
In those moments, improvisation and quick thinking become the comedian’s best allies. By finding humor in silence, even the quietest rooms can become arenas for laughter. The lesson here? Never underestimate the comedic potential of an exit sign—or a seemingly unreceptive audience. Every scenario has its punchline.
16. Voiceover Duality
I’ve done family-friendly voiceovers for talking animals and then gone on stage and said things that would get me banned from SeaWorld.
If you’ve ever heard me say something sweet, just know that it came with a dirty thought tax.
Balancing the demands of different audiences is a comedic art form. Each performance, whether voiced or live, offers its own unique challenges. Finding humor in these dual roles keeps things fresh and exciting. In life and comedy, versatility is key—embracing both the clean and the not-so-clean is where the real fun begins.
17. Misplaced Trust
I was in a hotel lobby once and a woman said, “You look like someone I’d trust with my kids.”
I said, “Lady, I just came from a comedy set where I made a joke about therapy ducks and human shame. You might wanna Google me first.”
Misunderstandings often lead to the funniest moments, reminders that appearances can be misleading. Finding humor in these interactions highlights the contrast between perception and reality. In the end, it’s about embracing who you are, even when others might not quite get the joke. That’s where the comedy lies.
18. Therapist’s Laughter
You know your material is edgy when your therapist starts laughing, then slowly stops and says, “We’ll unpack that next week.”
Even in therapy, humor finds its way into deep conversations. Laughter can be both healing and revealing.
It’s about finding the balance between humor and vulnerability. Comedy often reflects our struggles and triumphs, providing insight and laughter along the way. In those moments of shared understanding, whether with a therapist or an audience, the power of comedy becomes clear. It’s both a mirror and a release, a process of both laughter and learning.
19. Opening for Myself
I once opened for myself. First set was all clean—Disney dad. Second set? Pure comedy exorcism.
Half the crowd walked out. The other half stood and clapped… very nervously. Balancing two sides of a comedic persona offers unique challenges and rewards.
Exploring the contrasts between clean and edgy performances allows for creative freedom and unexpected laughs. It’s about pushing boundaries while staying true to oneself. Comedy thrives in these contrasts, offering a rich tapestry of experiences that keep audiences guessing. Whether they stay or leave, the journey is always worth it.
20. America’s Funniest Home Nostalgia
People ask if I miss America’s Funniest Home Videos. Of course I do! It was TikTok before TikTok.
Only back then, people accidentally hit themselves in the groin on VHS, not for likes, but for honor. Nostalgia brings humor and reflection, revealing how much things have changed—and stayed the same.
From VHS to digital, the essence of humor remains. Remembering those moments reminds us of simpler times when laughter was unfiltered and genuine. It’s about cherishing those memories while embracing the future of comedy, always with a nod to where it all began.
21. The Comedian’s Life
In the end, I just want to make people laugh—and maybe confuse them a little. That’s comedy. That’s life.
It’s sweet, it’s dirty, it’s unpredictable. Kind of like me… in a cardigan. Embracing the unpredictable nature of life mirrors the art of comedy.
It’s about finding humor in the chaos and joy in the unexpected. Through laughter, we connect with others and ourselves. Whether on stage or off, the journey is filled with twists and turns, always offering new opportunities for humor and reflection. It’s a life lived with laughter, in all its forms.