Back in Time Today
Iliza Shlesinger is known for her physical comedy, rapid-fire delivery, and dead-on observations about millennial life, relationships, and being a woman in a world that makes no sense. From her iconic “party goblin” to absurd dating rituals, her jokes are as real as they are ridiculous.
Here are 21 of her funniest moments.
1. The Party Goblin
You ever go on a date and pretend you eat like a bird? Like, ‘Oh I’ll just have the salad—no dressing.’ Meanwhile, your inner goblin is pacing back and forth inside your brain like, “Girl, get the fries, the truffle mac, and something with a side of regret. We hungry-hungry. We didn’t do all this contouring for a crouton.”
It’s relatable to imagine a little goblin urging for indulgence, making dieting a comedic battle between restraint and desire.
2. Wedding Planning Madness
Wedding planning is just two people slowly going insane while arguing about centerpieces and pretending napkin folds are a symbol of everlasting love. Like, “Do we want a half swan or the aggressive tulip?” And you’re Googling the price of a panic attack with premium floral arrangements.
This captures the absurdity and stress of planning the perfect day, a quest for a fairy tale that ironically tests patience and sanity alike.
3. Monthly Medieval Torture
Being a woman is having your entire body cramp up like a medieval torture device once a month, while someone who’s never bled from anywhere asks, “Are you mad at me?” No, Brad, I’m just trying not to rip your face off with a heating pad and a Midol chaser.
The humor lies in the stark contrast between the casual question and the intense, relatable pain women endure, making this a hilarious, albeit painful, observation.
4. The “Natural” Girl Fantasy
I love when guys say, “I like a natural girl.” Oh, you mean a girl who wears mascara, foundation, concealer, setting spray, lip gloss, did three face masks last night, exfoliated her elbows, and still says “oops” when she farts? That’s your natural fantasy?
The joke captures the irony of the ‘natural’ look, which often involves a meticulous process, poking fun at societal beauty standards and the misconceptions of men.
5. Sexy Animal Halloween
Every woman has her “Halloween as a sexy animal” phase. And it’s not even about being sexy—it’s about having ears and feeling unstoppable. One year you’re a sexy bunny. The next you’re a sexy raccoon with glitter. And no one questions it because Halloween is the purge but with cat ears.
This is a witty take on the transformation and empowerment brought to life during Halloween, where absurdity reigns with costumes and confidence.
6. Brunch Therapy
Being in your 30s is realizing brunch isn’t about food anymore. It’s about therapy with mimosas. Like, ‘How’s work?’ ‘Terrible.’ Sip. ‘How’s dating?’ ‘Worse.’ Sip. ‘You want to split the French toast?’ ‘Absolutely. Because that’s the only healthy relationship I’m having today.’
Iliza’s joke humorously illustrates how brunch becomes a ritualistic exchange of life’s woes, seasoned with mimosa endorsing camaraderie and support amongst friends.
7. Gym Flirtations
Guys at the gym be like, “You should smile more.” Sir, I’m bench pressing the weight of societal expectations off my chest. If you want to flirt, start with spotting me and end with a smoothie.
This joke humorously addresses the unwanted advice women often receive at the gym, while highlighting the heavier societal pressures they lift alongside weights, with the punchline suggesting a more supportive approach.
8. 20s vs. 30s Dating Criteria
Your 20s are like: “I could totally marry this guy. He likes dogs and has a Netflix account.” Your 30s are like: “Do you have a Roth IRA? And if so, do you know where your birth certificate is? Because I need that kind of stability.”
Iliza hilariously contrasts the youthful spontaneity with the mature pragmatism that characterizes dating expectations as one grows older, highlighting priorities shifting from simple attractions to substantial stability.
9. Inner Party Goblin
Every girl has that “party goblin” living inside her. She’s been napping since Tuesday and she wakes up the second your mascara hits your lashes on a Friday night. “Let’s text our ex. Let’s dance on a table. Let’s cry in a bathroom stall for no reason. LET’S GO!”
This is the essence of letting loose, capturing the sudden switch from day-to-day routine to weekend wildness, driven by a spirit of carefree revelry and mischief.
10. Engagement Stress
Being engaged is like taking a stress exam for a wedding you haven’t finished planning while getting grilled by distant relatives on whether the buffet will be gluten-free. Meanwhile, you’re stress-buying 400 votive candles and questioning your entire existence.
The humor here lies in the chaotic, often ironic, stress of wedding planning and the endless expectations from everyone involved, turning what should be joyful into an ongoing exam of patience.
11. The Quiet Buffer
Don’t ask a woman “What’s wrong?” when she’s quiet. We’re not quiet. We’re buffering. We’re mentally replaying that time we said “You too” to the waiter after he said “Enjoy your meal.”
This captures the mental replay and overthinking that often accompanies silence, humorously likening it to a computer buffering, a pause filled with introspection and internal dialogue.
12. WebMD Paranoia
I’m not a regular adult—I’m an ‘I WebMD-ed a pimple and now I think I have rabies’ kind of adult. I’m one delayed Amazon delivery away from losing all my sanity.
Iliza’s joke captures the paranoia and anxiety fueled by self-diagnosis on the internet, where minor symptoms escalate to improbable conclusions, humorously acknowledging the all-too-common tendency to overreact in the digital age.
13. Dating App Dilemmas
Dating apps are like Pokémon Go for emotional baggage. You’re out there swiping like, ‘Ooh, this one has trauma and commitment issues!’ Gotta ghost ’em all!
Iliza humorously compares dating apps to the popular game, highlighting the gamified, yet emotionally complex, nature of modern dating. The metaphor underscores the quest-like, sometimes frivolous pursuit of suitable companions, while acknowledging the baggage everyone carries.
14. IKEA Loneliness
Nothing makes me feel more single than assembling IKEA furniture by myself, crying into the instruction manual, and naming the bookshelf “Todd” just so someone will stay.
This joke taps into the relatable solitude of single life, using the familiar task of furniture assembly as a metaphor for companionship, infusing humor into the mundane by personifying inanimate objects for comfort.
15. Group Chat Tea
There’s always that one friend in the group chat who texts “GUYS I HAVE TEA” and then vanishes like a ghost. We’re refreshing the chat like it’s a stock ticker, screaming into the void, “WHERE IS THE TEA, MELISSA?!”
This illustrates the drama and anticipation within friend groups, humorously capturing the collective impatience and curiosity that arises when gossip is teased but not immediately delivered.
16. Not Like Other Guys
When a guy says “I’m not like other guys,” he’s usually exactly like other guys—except he owns a vinyl collection and knows how to spell ‘bourbon.’
Iliza’s joke highlights the ironic, often clichéd attempts of some men to distinguish themselves, humorously pointing out how supposed uniqueness often boils down to superficial traits or hobbies that are not as distinctive as they seem.
17. Bachelorette Party Chaos
I went to a bachelorette party once and woke up in a donut costume spooning a traffic cone. There was glitter on the ceiling, a unicorn float in the bathtub, and someone had drawn eyebrows on a pineapple. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is feminism.
This captures the wild and unpredictable nature of bachelorette parties, embracing the chaos and fun while playfully nodding to the empowerment and camaraderie inherent in such celebrations.
18. Dogs and Chill
Why does every guy think his personality is “loves dogs” and “chill”? Congratulations—you own a leash and you’re not in jail. The bar is so low, it’s a tripping hazard.
Iliza humorously critiques the simplistic self-descriptions often used in dating profiles, poking fun at the minimal effort some put into presenting themselves, while commenting on the lowered standards that these clichés reflect.
19. Stroller Fantasy
I don’t want kids yet, but I do want to own a stroller. Those things are magical. Cup holders, storage, wheels. You roll up to Trader Joe’s with that, and it’s like, ‘Am I a mom or just someone with her life together?’
The humor in this joke lies in the practicality and allure of strollers, equating their convenience with having one’s life organized, providing a comedic take on modern adult aspirations.
20. Group Fitness Guilt
Group fitness classes are just group guilt with mirrors. There’s always that one instructor named Skylar yelling “YOU’RE A WARRIOR!” while I’m in the back doing squats that look more like slow collapses.
Iliza captures the high-energy, often intimidating environment of fitness classes, using humor to highlight the disparity between instructor enthusiasm and participant fatigue, making the struggle to keep up amusingly relatable.
21. Murder Doc Relaxation
Sometimes I watch murder documentaries to relax. Not because I’m scary—because it’s oddly soothing to hear about someone else’s life falling apart while I fold laundry. Plus, no one’s asking me about my five-year plan, Karen.
Iliza’s joke humorously explores the peculiar comfort found in watching true crime, using it as an escape from the pressures of everyday life and future planning discussions, providing a quirky yet relatable solace.