Back in Time Today
Martin Lawrence brings a wild energy to the stage with his animated delivery, high-octane impressions, and no-holds-barred takes on life, relationships, and culture. Here are 19 of his funniest, most iconic jokes that show why he remains a powerhouse in the world of stand-up.
1. You ever argue with someone who brings up stuff from five years ago? I thought we were fighting about dishes, now you talkin’ ’bout my momma at Thanksgiving 2018.
Arguments can take unexpected turns, especially when past events resurface. Martin’s joke about a simple disagreement spiraling back to Thanksgiving 2018 encapsulates how trivial matters can escalate. His animated storytelling brings humor to the relatable experience of rehashing ancient grudges during mundane disagreements.
This joke highlights his ability to transform ordinary arguments into comedic gold, reflecting both his keen observation and unique sense of humor. It’s an example of how Lawrence’s comedy resonates with anyone who has faced the mystifying nature of relationships, combining everyday experiences with his distinctive, lively performance style.
2. I love women, but y’all got a memory like an FBI database. She’ll be like, ‘I remember on March 3rd at 4:46 PM, you blinked weird.’
Memory can be both a blessing and a curse in relationships, as Martin humorously suggests. He paints a picture of an uncanny recollection of minute details, with the comedic exaggeration of recalling a strange blink.
This joke shines a light on the sometimes overwhelming precision with which past events are remembered, poking fun at the selective memory that might seem like an FBI database. Lawrence’s comedy taps into the humor in the differences between partners’ perceptions, creating a shared laugh from any who’ve experienced the perils of being reminded of every little past action.
3. Brothers don’t do horror movies. As soon as we hear a strange noise, we out. You never see us go, ‘Let’s investigate.’ Nah, we packed and gone.
In this joke, Martin Lawrence captures the instinctive flight response to danger, contrasting it humorously with typical horror movie behaviors. His portrayal of an immediate decision to leave upon hearing a strange noise is both funny and relatable.
It underscores a cultural trope of avoiding unnecessary risks, adding a layer of humor by highlighting how quickly one might abandon cautionary tales from horror films. This joke reflects Martin’s skill in connecting with audiences through shared experiences and cultural observations, transformed into laughter through his unique delivery and energetic stage presence.
4. I tried meditating once. Thought I was connecting with my inner peace. Turned out, I just fell asleep and drooled on the couch.
Martin Lawrence explores the challenges of mindfulness with a comedic twist. His attempt at meditation humorously ends in unintended relaxation—a nap, complete with drooling. This joke highlights the often difficult balance between seeking peace and the intrusion of everyday distractions, a common struggle for many.
With his witty remarks, Martin sheds light on how sometimes, efforts to find zen can hilariously backfire. His light-hearted approach to the topic resonates with audiences’ own experiences with meditation mishaps, portraying the humor found in the everyday quest for tranquility amidst life’s chaos.
5. You ever go to the club and realize you too old to be there? That DJ playing trap music, and you just standing there thinking about your mortgage.
Aging brings new perspectives, especially when revisiting familiar scenes like a club. Martin humorously contrasts youthful exuberance with grown-up responsibilities, like thinking about a mortgage while trap music blares.
This joke captures the sometimes jarring realization of growing older in environments that once were central to social life. It’s a comedic reflection on how priorities shift over time, blending nostalgia with reality. Lawrence’s ability to make light of such realizations offers a humorous take on life’s transitions, using his energetic storytelling to connect with audiences navigating similar experiences.
6. Relationships are hard. My girl got mad at me because I breathed wrong. Said I was exhaling with an attitude.
Martin Lawrence highlights the complexities of relationships with his joke about breathing wrong. This exaggerated scenario humorously underscores how the smallest actions can be perceived as annoyances. It’s a playful take on the intricacies of living with a partner who might scrutinize even mundane habits, reflecting the sometimes delicate balance required in relationships.
Through his comedic lens, Martin turns everyday friction into laughter, emphasizing the importance of humor in overcoming trivial disagreements. His energetic delivery adds flair to the routine frustrations of coupled life, inviting audiences to share in the amusement of shared experiences.
7. When I was a kid, getting whooped was a whole event. Your parents didn’t just hit you—they gave you a monologue, soundtrack, and choreography.
Childhood memories often come with dramatics, as Martin humorously illustrates. His recollection of being disciplined not only involves the act but an entire theatrical production, complete with monologue and choreography.
This joke taps into the universal experience of overly dramatic childhood punishments, turning the parental lecture into a comedic stage show. It reflects the nostalgia and humor found in retrospectively viewing past experiences through a lighter lens. Martin’s storytelling makes the mundane memorable, using exaggerated details to connect with audiences who recall similar childhood spectacles with laughter.
8. My uncle tried to give me relationship advice. He’s been divorced three times. That’s like asking a broke dude for stock tips.
In this joke, Martin Lawrence questions the value of advice from an uncle with a questionable track record in relationships. Comparing it to receiving financial guidance from someone financially unstable, the humor lies in the irony.
This scenario portrays the sometimes misguided, yet well-meaning, advice offered by loved ones, poking fun at the contrast between intention and expertise. Martin’s delivery of this joke showcases his knack for highlighting everyday absurdities, using wit and relatable family dynamics. It’s a reminder of the humorous aspects of unsolicited advice, especially from those who might lack the credentials.
9. I got friends who always wanna go on hikes. I told them, ‘The only trail I follow leads to barbecue.’
This joke humorously contrasts exercise with indulgence, as Martin Lawrence prefers the path to a barbecue over a hiking trail. It reflects the relatable reluctance some feel towards outdoor adventures, choosing comfort and flavor instead.
By playfully reframing physical activity as a culinary journey, Martin’s comedic twist highlights the balance many seek between health consciousness and enjoyment. His joke resonates with audiences who prioritize pleasure over exertion, using vivid imagery and a lighthearted approach to remind that sometimes, the best trails end with a delicious meal, not a sweat.
10. My daughter asked me for money. I said, ‘For what?’ She said, ‘Just to have.’ Girl, you ain’t the Federal Reserve.
Parenting challenges arise in unexpected requests, as Martin humorously recounts his daughter’s vague plea for money. The comparison to the Federal Reserve exaggerates the absurdity, adding humor to the scenario.
This joke highlights the parental duty of questioning financial requests, especially when they’re as undefined as ‘just to have.’ Through his comedic lens, Martin captures the endearing yet bewildering nature of raising children. His joke resonates with parents familiar with the whims of youthful logic, turning everyday family interactions into shared laughter with his trademark wit and charm.
11. I love how kids think parents are rich. Like money grows on trees and Wi-Fi is free in the afterlife.
Martin Lawrence humorously addresses children’s financial misconceptions, imagining them as endless wealth providers. By suggesting money grows on trees and Wi-Fi extends beyond life, he highlights youthful naivety. This joke resonates with parents whose children see them as infinite sources of resources, transforming common frustrations into humor.
Martin’s skillful storytelling uses exaggeration to capture the innocence and simplicity in children’s understanding of finances. His playful approach makes the universal parental experience of correcting these beliefs engaging, combining his energetic delivery with a clear-eyed view of family life’s humorous challenges.
12. I tried one of those juice cleanses. By day two, I was hallucinating cheeseburgers and cussing out cucumbers.
Juice cleanses are notorious for testing willpower, as Martin’s experience humorously shows. By day two, his visions of cheeseburgers and animosity towards cucumbers highlight the struggle. This joke captures the often futile quest for health fads, satirizing how dietary ambitions can quickly unravel. Martin’s comedic take resonates with anyone who’s attempted similar regimens, blending exaggeration with truth.
His vivid imagery and expressive storytelling turn a common health challenge into comedic relief, reminding audiences that humor can be found in the pursuit of wellness, even when cravings take over.
13. Why every time I try to eat healthy, somebody brings donuts to work? That’s sabotage. You can’t fight fried temptation.
Martin humorously depicts the workplace dilemma of healthy eating, constantly sabotaged by tempting treats. His joke on ‘fried temptation’ underscores the difficulty of maintaining dietary discipline amidst communal indulgence. The humorous exaggeration of donuts as sabotage reflects relatable challenges many face in balancing health goals with social environments.
Martin’s comedic perspective turns frustration into laughter, using vivid descriptions and relatable scenarios. His ability to find humor in shared struggles with temptation highlights his skill in connecting with audiences through everyday experiences, bringing humor and levity to the pursuit of health.
14. I’m not saying I’m petty, but I will ignore your text and post a meme two minutes later.
Petty humor finds its mark in Martin’s joke about ignoring texts while posting memes. His playful admission to pettiness reveals the sometimes trivial, yet amusing, dynamics in digital communication. This scenario captures the humor in social media interactions, where passive-aggressive behaviors mix with self-expression.
Martin’s witty acknowledgment of these habits resonates with audiences familiar with the subtle art of online pettiness. Through his comedic lens, he turns an ordinary digital exchange into a shared joke, using his engaging storytelling to highlight the lighter side of modern communication’s quirks.
15. You know you’re getting older when you get excited about a new vacuum. I vacuumed the whole house just to hear it purr.
As Martin humorously points out, aging brings unexpected joys, like the excitement over a new vacuum. His jest about vacuuming for the sound alone highlights shifting priorities with age. This joke captures the humor in appreciating once-mundane tasks, reflecting a transition towards finding satisfaction in practicality.
Martin’s comedic storytelling connects with audiences who recognize the subtle changes in what brings happiness over time. His ability to turn everyday household chores into a source of laughter showcases his skill in blending nostalgia with humor, engaging audiences in shared life experiences.
16. People say, ‘Do what you love.’ I love naps and snacks. Still waiting on that to turn into a career.
Martin Lawrence humorously challenges the advice to ‘do what you love’ by juxtaposing it with his fondness for naps and snacks. His wishful thinking about turning relaxation into a career embodies the playful desire to blend passions with practicality. This joke captures the universal yearning for a simpler, more enjoyable work-life balance.
Martin’s comedic flair turns this aspirational dream into shared laughter, using his relatable approach to highlight the whimsical side of career ambitions. His ability to find humor in life’s leisurely pleasures adds charm to his storytelling, resonating with audiences.
17. Don’t ask me to go camping. I pay rent to not live outside. Ain’t no Wi-Fi in the woods.
Camping’s appeal is humorously dismissed by Martin, who values modern comforts over the wilderness. His rejection of outdoor living, highlighted by the lack of Wi-Fi, underscores the comedic contrast between nature and convenience.
This joke resonates with those who prefer urban life, using humor to explore the reluctance to embrace nature’s challenges. Martin’s storytelling captures the comfort of indoor living, humorously reflecting on the luxury of choice. His comedic take on camping offers a playful perspective on prioritizing personal comfort, making it relatable for audiences who share similar sentiments.
18. Some folks say I’m dramatic. I say I’m passionate. If I trip on the sidewalk, I gotta make it a scene.
Martin playfully defends his dramatic tendencies by framing them as passion. His joke about turning a sidewalk trip into a scene highlights the humor in life’s minor mishaps. This scenario illustrates his flair for theatrics, blending everyday occurrences with exaggerated responses.
Martin’s comedic approach resonates with audiences familiar with the entertainment in ordinary moments. Through his vivid storytelling, he transforms minor incidents into comedic performances, making them relatable and amusing. His ability to embrace and elevate life’s trivialities showcases his unique perspective and connection with his audience.
19. If my food takes too long at a restaurant, I start negotiating with God. ‘Lord, if it come out hot, I’ll go to church this Sunday.’
Martin humorously captures the impatience felt while waiting for food at a restaurant. His comedic plea to a higher power for timely service blends desperation with humor, reflecting the universal frustration of hunger.
This joke turns a common dining experience into a playful negotiation with divine forces, using exaggeration to amplify the situation’s humor. Martin’s ability to find comedy in everyday impatience highlights his knack for turning frustrations into laughter. His engaging storytelling creates a relatable, amusing scene that resonates with anyone who’s ever wished for faster service.