Back in Time Today
Nate Bargatze is the master of low-key humor. With a laid-back delivery, clean content, and a uniquely relatable point of view, he turns life’s simple observations into laugh-out-loud moments.
Here are 19 of his funniest jokes that capture his awkward, dry brilliance.
1. The Broken Sink
I once tried to fix a sink. Now I have two problems: a broken sink and a bruised ego. The water no longer flows down—it shoots out sideways like it’s trying to escape. My wife said, ‘Maybe call a plumber.’ I said, ‘Or… we just never use this sink again.
It’s a sink for display purposes only now.’ It’s like a modern art piece, really. The sink that dared to defy its purpose, with me embracing the chaos, and my wife questioning my DIY skills. But in this household, we’ve learned to adapt, laugh, and admire the sideways fountain.
2. The GPS Dilemma
My GPS said, ‘In 500 feet, turn left.’ I missed it. Then it said, ‘Recalculating’—in the most passive-aggressive tone I’ve ever heard from a robot. I felt judged by a satellite. It’s like, ‘I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed. Also, you’re now 12 minutes late.’
This is how technology teaches us patience—or maybe just how to handle mild road rage. The GPS and I have a love-hate relationship. It guides me, yet mocks my every wrong turn. But it’s okay, we all need a little passive-aggressive guidance now and then, even if it’s from a digital voice.
3. Skydiving with Kevin
I went skydiving once. The instructor said, ‘You’ll be fine. I’ve done this over 500 times.’ And I was like, ‘Statistically, aren’t you due for a mistake?’ The whole way up, I kept thinking, ‘This is how I die… strapped to a guy named Kevin who smells like beef jerky.’
Kevin, the man holding my life in his hands, seemed unfazed by my existential crisis. Yet, there’s a strange comfort in trusting someone so at ease. While I survived, Kevin’s beef jerky aroma remains etched in my senses, a souvenir from an adventure that challenged my courage and sense of smell.
4. Diffuse the Bomb
I don’t argue with my wife anymore. Not because we don’t disagree—just because I value my life. I just nod and slowly walk backward like I’m diffusing a bomb. I’ve learned the phrase ‘You’re right’ buys me at least 3 hours of peace. It’s an art, really, knowing when to retreat gracefully.
Marriage teaches you subtle tactics for survival. My wife, the real expert, knows when I’m deploying my diplomatic retreat. Yet, it’s an unspoken agreement that keeps harmony alive. In our home, peace is a dance we both navigate with silent acknowledgments and strategic withdrawals.
5. Carded at the Store
I got carded at the store and felt flattered… until the cashier said, ‘It’s store policy to card everyone under 80.’ Like, oh cool, so I don’t look dead. Thanks. It’s a momentary ego boost, dashed by corporate rules. The irony of aging is that you start celebrating small victories, even if they’re policy-driven.
Yet, it’s these little interactions that remind us of life’s humor. Standing there, ID in hand, I basked in fleeting youth validated by a well-meaning cashier. And as I walked out, I silently thanked the universe for policies that occasionally flatter the aging soul.
6. Smart Thermostat War
I bought one of those smart thermostats, thinking I was upgrading my life. Now I’m locked in a temperature war with a piece of technology that believes I should be living in an igloo. I say 72, it says 62. I say sleep mode, it says, ‘Welcome to the Arctic.’ This ongoing battle of wills between man and machine is real.
Each beep from the thermostat feels like it’s mocking my quest for comfort. Yet, here I stand, wrapped in blankets, determined to outwit my thermostat nemesis. It’s these domestic skirmishes that keep life interesting, albeit slightly colder.
7. Locked Out in a Towel
I got locked out of my hotel room in just a towel. I had to walk to the front desk like I was doing the world’s saddest fashion show. I passed a business meeting, a bachelorette party, and a kid who just pointed and said, ‘Mommy, he forgot his clothes!’ It’s humbling, really, when life reduces you to nothing but a towel and determination.
Each step towards the front desk felt like a mile in sheer vulnerability. Yet, I found humor amidst the embarrassment, embracing the absurdity of life’s unscripted moments, wrapped only in cotton and a bit of shame.
8. Math Homework Struggles
My daughter asked me to help with her math homework. I looked at it like it was an ancient scroll. I said, ‘Sweetheart, daddy’s comedy is more… word-based.’ Then I googled it and still got it wrong. Math, the eternal enigma, challenges my creative brain. I approach each problem with the optimism of a parent, armed with search engines and good intentions.
Yet, it’s my daughter who truly shines, teaching me patience and resilience. Through her eyes, math becomes less daunting, more of a shared adventure. Together, we find solutions, laughter, and the realization that numbers aren’t my forte.
9. Gym Goals: Survival
I went to a gym once. The trainer showed me around, asked my goals. I said, ‘Survival.’ Then he handed me a towel and I never saw him again. I did one lap, grabbed a smoothie, and considered that cardio. It’s a testament to my fitness philosophy—low commitment, high reward.
The gym, with its intimidating machines, tests my resolve. Yet, my brief encounter with fitness left me with a story worth telling. In my world, surviving a gym visit deserves applause and perhaps another smoothie. Fitness might elude me, but my humor thrives in recounting my valiant, albeit brief, effort.
10. Directionally Challenged
When I say I’m “good with directions,” what I mean is I’ll confidently get you to the wrong place. And when we’re lost, I’ll say things like, ‘That tree looks familiar,’ as if I have a forest-based memory system. It’s an adventure, really, navigating life with misplaced confidence. Each wrong turn becomes a story, a testament to my creative navigation skills.
My friends, patient and somewhat amused, indulge my directional delusions. Together, we explore unintended destinations, crafting memories from missed exits. It’s the journey, not the destination, that truly matters, especially when the path is humorously uncertain.
11. Misunderstood Fasting
I tried intermittent fasting, but misunderstood the concept. I thought it meant you eat for 15 hours and fast for 30 minutes while you’re sleeping. Honestly, that was the most consistent diet I’ve ever been on. My innovative take on dieting redefines commitment. Each meal becomes an event, a celebration of culinary freedom.
While my version defies traditional fasting, it brings joy and laughter to the table. It’s a diet plan that suits my comedic lifestyle, emphasizing humor over hunger. And in my world, consistency is key, even if it’s consistently indulgent. After all, life’s too short for dietary restrictions.
12. Budget Airline Experience
I flew on a budget airline where the flight attendant handed me a seatbelt and said, ‘Good luck.’ Their first class was just the seat that reclined 1.5 inches. I asked for water and she handed me a moist towelette. It’s a travel experience like no other, where comfort is a distant memory. Each flight becomes a lesson in patience, with humor as my coping mechanism.
Despite the cramped conditions and unexpected amenities, there’s a charm to budget travel. It’s an adventure of its own, teaching resilience and appreciation for the little things—like breathable air and snacks.
13. Stand-Up for Five
I once did stand-up for five people. Two left halfway through, one fell asleep, and the other two were only there because their Uber had a flat. I said, ‘Hey, it’s still a sold-out show if you count my self-esteem.’ It’s these intimate gigs that test a comedian’s spirit. Each joke, delivered with dedication, becomes a triumph over silence.
The audience, though small, offers a unique opportunity to connect on a personal level. It’s in these moments that comedy’s true essence shines through, reminding me why I love performing. Every show, regardless of size, is a chance to share laughter.
14. Background Actor at Home
My wife says I don’t help enough around the house. I told her, ‘That’s not true. I help by staying out of the way and not making it worse. I’m like a background actor in our marriage movie.’ It’s a role I embrace with pride, providing silent support. My wife, the star, navigates our domestic world with grace.
Together, we create a harmonious balance, each contributing in our unique ways. It’s a partnership built on understanding, humor, and respect. While my contributions might seem invisible, they’re the unsung notes in our marital symphony, blending seamlessly into the fabric of our lives.
15. Noise-Canceling Headphones
I bought noise-canceling headphones and they’ve been life-changing. Now when the trash is full, I just point to my ears like I’m in a submarine and we’re diving. This newfound silence is a sanctuary amidst life’s noise. The headphones, my trusted allies, shield me from domestic demands. While chores might call, I remain blissfully unaware, wrapped in my auditory bubble. It’s a simple pleasure, really, finding peace in selective hearing.
The world might be bustling around me, but in my headphones, tranquility reigns. It’s a modern escape, a humorous retreat from responsibility, offering a brief respite from reality’s demands.
16. Comedian’s Magic Trick
I told someone I was a comedian, and they said, ‘Tell me a joke.’ I said, ‘Okay—your Wi-Fi password on the first try.’ That’s as close to magic as it gets. It’s a challenge every comedian faces, that on-demand humor request. Yet, it’s moments like these that test my creative wit. The Wi-Fi password, a modern enigma, becomes my punchline, weaving humor into everyday life. It’s a joke that resonates, sparking laughter through shared experience.
In comedy, the simplest observations often yield the greatest laughs. And in this digital age, guessing passwords stands as the ultimate comedic feat.
17. Toast-Induced Smoke Alarm
Our smoke detector went off because I made toast. Not burnt toast—just regular toast. My cooking is like reverse engineering a fire. I’m the only person who can create smoke from boiling water. It’s a culinary talent that defies logic. Each cooking attempt becomes an adventure in fire prevention. Yet, it’s these quirks that add flavor to my life, quite literally. My kitchen, a battleground of smoke and humor, offers endless stories and laughter.
Despite the alarms, I persist, embracing my unique cooking style. It’s a testament to resilience, creativity, and the belief that every meal is a masterpiece.
18. Couch Everest Climber
I watched a documentary about climbing Mount Everest while lying on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, eating ice cream straight from the tub. I was out of breath watching it. I felt like I deserved a medal too. It’s a spectator sport in my world, where endurance is measured by binge-watching stamina. The climbers, heroes in their own right, inspire my couch-bound adventures. Each peak they conquer mirrors my own triumph over comfort.
While Everest remains a distant dream, my couch remains my summit, offering comfort and perspective. In my world, every remote click is a step towards greatness.
19. Meditation Squirrel Thoughts
I tried meditation to clear my mind. Five minutes in, I was thinking about what squirrels dream about. Do they dream of bigger nuts? Or just… falling out of trees? I ended up more stressed than when I started. It’s a journey into the mind’s quirks, where tranquility meets imagination. Meditation, a quest for peace, leads me down a path of whimsical thoughts. Yet, in these moments, I find humor and a deeper understanding of myself.
The squirrels, my unexpected meditation companions, offer perspective amid chaos. Through their imagined dreams, I discover the unpredictability of a wandering mind.