Back in Time Today
Taylor Tomlinson’s comedy is sharp, honest, and wildly relatable. With a style that’s part therapist, part sarcastic best friend, she dives into dating, anxiety, and growing up with brutal honesty and perfect timing.
Here are 19 of her best jokes that prove she’s one of the funniest voices in stand-up today.
1. Crying is Quirky
I’m in my 20s, which means I cry in public and call it a personality trait. I’m not emotionally unstable—I’m just “quirky with tears.” I cried at a sandwich commercial the other day. They just looked so happy, and I hadn’t eaten in four hours. It’s hilarious how hunger can turn a simple sandwich ad into a tear-jerker.
At times, our emotions take charge, making us wonder if crying is truly our secret power. Embracing the tears is part of the journey to self-discovery. After all, isn’t it quirky to let it flow?
2. Therapist Lies
You ever lie to your therapist? Like, you’re paying $150 an hour and still out here editing your trauma like it’s a resume. ‘I’m totally fine. Just a little stressed.’ Meanwhile, I haven’t slept in three days and my plants are dying from secondhand anxiety.
The struggle is real when you find yourself sugar-coating tales of sleepless nights. Therapists might wonder, do we pay them to hear the truth or a polished version of it? There’s a comfort in the facade, but maybe honesty could lead to real solutions. It’s a balancing act of truth and preservation.
3. Cereal for Dinner
I don’t want to get married yet. I still eat cereal for dinner while standing over the sink and call my mom when the Wi-Fi goes out. I’m not ready to share a mortgage—I can’t even share fries. Independence is cherished, and yet cereal dinners are a testament to embracing adulthood on your own terms.
The freedom to choose simplicity over complexity is liberating. Sharing a life can wait, especially when the joy of cereal persists. Happiness often lies in the little things, like the crunch of cereal, reminding us that adulthood is a journey, not a destination.
4. Dating and Astrology
Dating in your 20s is wild. You’ll go from “He might be the one” to “He doesn’t know his birth time and that’s a red flag” in 48 hours. Also, if your birth chart has more red than a crime scene, we’re not soulmates, we’re an emotional lawsuit waiting to happen.
The chaos of modern dating makes astrology seem like a viable solution to finding love. Birth charts become the detective tools we never knew we needed. Ultimately, relationships are more than just aligning stars. Authentic connections sometimes defy even the most ominous astrological predictions. Navigate with humor.
5. No Labels Relationship
I once dated a guy who said he didn’t believe in labels. I was like, ‘Cool, so I’ll just call you a tax deduction.’ You want relationship benefits without the emotional responsibilities? Bro, this isn’t Costco. Relationships, much like tax deductions, require commitment. Labels can provide clarity and structure.
The balance between freedom and responsibility often defines modern love. As absurd as it sounds, this comparison sheds light on the humor in a label-free relationship. Embracing labels might not be as limiting as it seems. It’s all about perspective, humor, and maybe a dash of sarcasm.
6. Anxiety and WebMD
I have anxiety—the kind where I Google a headache and end up rewriting my will. WebMD is not my friend. It’s like, ‘Your symptoms could be dehydration… or imminent death.’ Thanks. Super helpful. The internet, a double-edged sword, often amplifies fears rather than alleviating them. In the quest for certainty, we find confusion. It’s a comedic cycle of self-diagnosis, where the cure often seems worse than the disease.
Embracing humor and acknowledging the absurdity is key. Finding balance between seeking knowledge and maintaining sanity can turn anxiety from a foe into a somewhat manageable acquaintance.
7. Religious Upbringing
My parents were super religious. Like, I couldn’t watch SpongeBob because he was ‘under the sea’ and my mom thought that was Satan’s territory. I wasn’t allowed to trick-or-treat, but I could wear Bible costumes and hand out tracts. Fun! Navigating the minefield of a religious upbringing often involves finding humor in the restrictions imposed.
Childhood memories become a treasure trove of comedic anecdotes. The contrast between innocence and imposed boundaries often makes for the funniest tales. Perhaps, with time, these tales become lessons in resilience and the art of finding joy in the most unexpected situations.
8. Freedom vs. Adulthood
When I was a kid, I thought being an adult meant freedom. Now I know it means back pain, choosing between groceries or therapy, and apologizing to your friends for cancelling plans you didn’t want to make in the first place. The reality of adulthood is a far cry from the fantasies of childhood.
Freedom comes wrapped in responsibilities, often too heavy to bear. Balancing the mundane and the profound becomes an art. Finding humor in these challenges helps navigate the complexities of adult life. With every choice, there’s a story waiting to be told.
9. Drinking and Sabotage
I don’t drink a lot. Not because I’m a good person, but because two drinks in, I start texting exes, crying about the state of healthcare, and Venmo’ing people money I don’t have. It’s less ‘partying’ and more ‘personal finance sabotage.’ The blurred lines between celebration and chaos often make for the best comedic material.
Social interactions become a stage where intentions meet unexpected outcomes. Understanding one’s limits is essential, yet challenging. Humor becomes the saving grace, turning mishaps into lessons. Celebrating the chaos, rather than lamenting it, transforms each night into a memorable experience.
10. Meditation App Stress
I downloaded a meditation app to help with my anxiety, but now I just stress about how little I use the meditation app. I’ll be lying there like, ‘Breathe in… breathe out… Did I email my boss back? I should check. Wait, no, breathe!’ The irony of stressing over relaxation is a common modern dilemma.
We seek peace and find ourselves tangled in the tools meant to help us. It’s a cycle of well-intentioned failure that many find humor in. Acknowledging the chaos, we learn to laugh at ourselves, finding solace in the confusion and slowly, perhaps, in meditation.
11. Not Like Other Girls
I love when guys say, ‘You’re not like other girls.’ Thanks, but I am like other girls. We’re exhausted, hungry, emotionally overstimulated, and still managing to text you back while doing our skincare routine. The notion of being unique is often a shared experience, filled with humor and irony.
The universal struggles of modern life create bonds rather than divisions. Embracing commonalities rather than differences becomes empowering. The shared chaos of womanhood is where humor and camaraderie thrive. Finding solace in these experiences brings light to the universal truths we all live. We’re in it together.
12. Period Story
Every woman has a period story that ends in public humiliation. Mine ended in a Target dressing room, wrapped in a $15 clearance blanket like I was surviving the Titanic. Employee came in and said, ‘Are you okay?’ I said, ‘Define okay.’ The hilarity of unexpected situations often stems from the absurdity of the moment.
Navigating life’s little disasters with humor allows us to endure with grace. The public sphere becomes a stage for the drama of everyday life. Embracing these moments with laughter transforms potential embarrassment into legendary stories shared with friends.
13. Flirting Fails
I tried flirting at a bar. Walked up to a guy, ordered two waters by mistake, and when the bartender said ‘enjoy,’ I said, ‘You too.’ Then I turned around and walked out of the bar like a confused ghost. Iconic. The essence of charm often lies in the blunders we make and the stories that follow.
The art of flirting is riddled with missteps and comedic highlights. It’s these very misadventures that make the journey memorable. Turning cringe-worthy moments into tales of laughter is a skill honed by experience. Every attempt is a step toward mastery.
14. Abstinence Education
Growing up religious means you don’t learn about sex, but you do learn how to suppress your emotions like an Olympic sport. By the time I learned what a condom was, I already had PTSD from abstinence-only education. The pitfalls of limited education often lead to unintended comedic insights.
The clash between ignorance and reality creates a backdrop for humor. Through laughter, we retell stories of misunderstanding and enlightenment. Finding humor in the gaps of knowledge allows for healing and growth. The journey from naivety to awareness is often paved with laughter, revealing deeper truths.
15. Weighted Blanket
I bought a weighted blanket for my anxiety. Now I just lie under it like a very calm burrito of sadness. It’s like being gently hugged by your problems. ‘Thanks for the pressure, now I can cry with support.’ Comfort often comes in unexpected forms, such as the gentle pressure of a weighted blanket.
This humorous acknowledgment of our quirks and coping mechanisms highlights how we manage stress. The blanket becomes a metaphor for life, offering solace amidst chaos. Humor transforms these moments into tales of joy and resilience, reminding us to find comfort in unusual places.
16. Sarcasm as Love Language
My love language is sarcasm. If I make fun of you, I probably like you. If I’m super nice to you, I’m either scared of you or trying to get something. Either way, it’s manipulation—but make it cute. The art of sarcasm as a form of affection reveals layers of emotional complexity. It’s a dance of words, where humor and love intertwine.
Understanding the nuances of sarcasm allows for deeper connections. Embracing this unique communication style can lead to stronger relationships. It’s the playful banter that often reveals the most sincere emotions, wrapped in humor and wit.
17. Exes and Texts
I used to think all my exes were crazy. Then I reread our texts and realized… they were reacting to me. I wasn’t dating the same type of guy—I was just the common denominator. Math is real, y’all. The realization that we contribute to our own drama is both humbling and hilarious.
Understanding patterns in relationships can lead to personal growth. Humor softens the introspection, allowing us to see the absurdity of our own behavior. This journey of self-awareness, though challenging, often leads to valuable insights and laughter, reshaping how we view past relationships.
18. Shopping Therapy
Therapy has taught me so much. Mostly that I should’ve gone five years ago and that my coping mechanism of ‘laughing and shopping’ is not considered a mental health plan by professionals. The juxtaposition of retail therapy and actual therapy highlights the humor in our attempts to cope.
While shopping offers temporary relief, it’s the deeper understanding from therapy that leads to lasting change. Humor bridges the gap between short-term gratification and long-term healing. Acknowledging the humor in our coping strategies allows for growth, turning obstacles into opportunities for laughter and learning.
19. High Maintenance Croissant
I’m not high maintenance—I’m just emotionally layered like a croissant. Complex, delicate, slightly flakey, and best served with coffee and low expectations. The metaphor of a croissant captures the intricate layers of personality and emotions. Humor becomes a tool to embrace complexity, turning perceived flaws into features. Understanding oneself as a multi-layered being allows for acceptance and growth.
The journey to self-awareness is often paved with laughter, revealing the beauty in our unique makeup. Embracing humor helps redefine expectations, making life’s experiences richer and more meaningful. The croissant becomes a symbol of self-acceptance and joy.