Back in Time Today
Wendy Liebman’s signature style is the pause-then-punchline. Sweet on the surface, her jokes take a sharp left turn right when you think you know where they’re going. Smart, sly, and sneakily hilarious, here are 16 jokes in true Wendy form.
1. Yoga Pants and Group Relaxation
I started doing yoga… for the pants. And because it’s the only time I lie on the floor in a group and nobody asks if I’m okay.
2. Standing Up for Myself
My therapist said I need to stand up for myself. So I left him. I also took the pen he lent me, which I think counts as emotional growth.
3. Gym Lies and Parking Strategies
I wanted to be a better person… so I joined a gym. And now I lie to two people: my trainer and myself. Mostly about how often I go. And what I consider exercise. Parking far away counts, right?
4. Love and Weight Gain
I asked my husband if he’d still love me if I gained 100 pounds. He said yes—of course… just not all at once. Which is weird, because that’s how it’s happening.
5. Journaling as Snack Therapy
I started journaling… but all my entries are grocery lists and passive-aggressive comments I was too scared to say out loud. So technically, it’s still therapy. Just with better snacks.
6. Meditation with Cheez-Its
I like to meditate… while watching reality TV… and eating Cheez-Its. It’s not exactly spiritual enlightenment, but I do reach a state of stillness. Usually around the sixth episode.
7. Weighted Blanket of Guilt
I got one of those weighted blankets. It’s like a hug… from guilt. The kind your mother gives you, but warmer and more supportive.
8. Intermittent Fasting and Snacks
I tried intermittent fasting… but I kept getting distracted by snacks. Like, I made it two hours. Then I walked by the pantry and fell in love with a bag of trail mix. It was a beautiful, messy relationship.
9. The Lost Book on Boundaries
I read a book about boundaries… and lent it to someone… who never gave it back. Which is probably in chapter three. Or chapter one. I wouldn’t know, I never got that far.
10. Buying Good Karma
I believe in karma… which is why I say thank you to elevators. And vending machines. And people who let me merge in traffic. I’m basically buying good karma in bulk.
11. Dreams of Flying and Sheets
I had a dream I was flying… and then I woke up stuck in my fitted sheet. Which is still impressive, considering I sleep alone and it was a queen-sized bed.
12. The Caffeine Struggle
I gave up caffeine… for 30 minutes. Then I remembered I have a life and feelings and people to tolerate.
13. The Glass Half Full Dilemma
I’m a glass half full kind of person… until someone drinks it. And then I’m a “why is this happening to me” kind of person. It’s a short journey.
14. Self-Love Journey
I’m working on self-love… which is hard… because I know me. But I’m trying. I bought myself flowers. Then I apologized for forgetting they existed until they died.
15. Vision Board of Snacks and Naps
I made a vision board… but it’s mostly snacks and naps. And a picture of a beach I’ll never go to because it’s far and sand gets everywhere.
16. Inner Critic Silent Treatment
I finally stood up to my inner critic… she’s not talking to me now. Which honestly feels like the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had.